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‘On the plus side, you found me again.’
‘Yes,’ Shay smiled. It felt like a very big plus, sitting here with someone her heart had never forgotten. But she was battered, wounded, vulnerable and knew she should be careful.
Jonah put down his burger, picked up his serviette and wiped his mouth. He looked thoughtful, as if in two minds to say what he was about to.
‘When you didn’t reply to my letter, I knew I had to try and forget you once and for all. But I couldn’t. Then I met Alice, we got engaged, had the big wedding and I tried to convince myself that she was enough, but I didn’t feel for her what I felt—’
He broke off, speared a chip, shook his head. ‘Sorry, this is probably not what you want to hear right now.’
It wasn’t. It was. She looked at him, waiting for his next words.
He blew out his cheeks. ‘Okay, I’ll say it. No one ever came close to you, Shay.’
She felt her heart beating in her throat.
‘I’ve been waiting all my life to find someone I loved as much as you and I never have. I don’t expect you to do anything with that information, because… I don’t even have a clue what I can do about it. We’ve not been in touch for twenty-nine years and I’ve known you again for three days and I feel pretty stupid now. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said it.’
She leaned across the table and squeezed his arm. It was a touch that said,I feel the same.And she hadn’t a clue what to do about it either.
Over coffee Jonah asked her more about the father revelation.
‘I don’t feel any different. I thought I might but I didn’t want to because I love my dad very much,’ said Shay. ‘I’m not even sure if he knew I wasn’t his real daughter, I certainly never felt that from him. I was going to tell my son but I couldn’t and it made me see a little into my mother’s soul because I didn’t want to rip him away from my children, they love him very much.’
‘Blood isn’t a guarantee of love and vice versa.’
‘Tell me about it.’ A picture of Paula loomed in Shay’s head. ‘I’ll never be able to find anything out about my real father. He’s just a name to me. But I have a different heritage now and it hasn’t really sunk in what it means.’
‘Some people just don’t get to fill in all the blanks, Shay. So they find their own closure and decide their own identity,’ said Jonah.
‘Lord knows what my children will say. Actually, my daughter will sign up to a family tree site in the hope oflinking herself to Cleopatra. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if she succeeded.’
Jonah smiled, then he got up to pay the bill and wouldn’t take no for an answer. Then he drove her home.
‘I’m sorry if I said too much, Shay,’ he said when they reached Candlemas. ‘I didn’t mean to put you on the spot and scare you off.’
‘You didn’t. You really didn’t.’
‘It’s all a bit mad, isn’t it?’
‘Yes, mad just about covers it.’
He leaned forward, she felt his hand in her hair, his lips, a light press against hers and it was enough to make the whole of her body respond in a way that no one else had ever made happen. She felt like a girl again.
‘Promise me you won’t run scared and disappear in the night,’ he said.
‘I promise.’
There had been a couple of missed calls from Courtney and a rather sad voicemail left which was stripped of dramatics and sounded genuine in its concern. Shay rang her and it was picked up immediately.
‘Hello Mum, are you all right? I’ve been ever so worried about you. Where are you?’
‘I’m all right. I’m just taking some time out,’ Shay answered.
Courtney sniffed. ‘Can I do anything, Mum? You’ve been through so much and Dad’s an absolute gonad. I hate him.’
‘Don’t hate him, he’s your father.’
‘You’re too nice.’
