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‘Have you seen your father?’ asked Shay, looking at the Alp of food on the table. It seemed to be getting bigger, not smaller.
‘He rang me to “fill me in with his side of the story”.’ The corner of Courtney’s lip rose like Elvis having a bad day. ‘He tried to say that you weren’t giving him attention and that’s why he started shagging Auntie Les. I told him he was a wanker and to grow up.’
‘Courtney,’ Shay admonished her, ‘you shouldn’t call your father a wanker.’
‘You know, Mum, he didn’t sound full of the joys of spring to tell you the truth. It’s her money, not his. Mort reckons she’ll make him dance for it.’
Well, that’s his problem, thought Shay.
‘Is Mort okay?’
‘Yeah. He batters punchbags in Tommy Tanner’s gym when things with his mum and dad get too much. It’s all got really nasty now that Morton’s found out about everything and he’s on the rampage. So it’s a good job he’s got me to calm him down.’
‘That’s what I’m worried about.’ Shay rolled her eyes and Courtney hooted.
‘It’s good to have you home, Mum. You not being here made me think a lot about things. And what you said to me before kind of turned the mirror around onto myself.’ Courtney reached over, rubbed her mum’s arm. Just a small gesture but it said a lot. ‘You’ve always been there for me and I’ve taken it for granted. I haven’t thought what I’ve done has affected the people around me. You made me think what I’d feel like if I had a daughter who was always getting herself into trouble. And how kind Fiona is because I’d have chucked me out of the flat ages ago. Might have to find somewhere else to live soon anyway. Things are hotting up with her and her man and I think I should move out to let him move in. She’s too nice to say it, of course. So I will.’
Shay liked this new daughter of hers, hoped she’d stick around. She didn’t mind the shocking pink hair and the gothy make-up, or the weird clothes with all the straps, tears and buckles, they looked great on her. She would never be a twinset and pearls girl, not even in her dotage. She reckoned she and Mort would meet somewhere in the middle if it lasted the course. They’d be good for each other. He needed someone to care for and she’d keep everything far from boring.
‘You can always move back in here if you like,’ Shay offered. ‘Wherever I am, there’s a home for you.’
‘Thanks, Mum,’ said Courtney. ‘You won’t regret it. Promise.’
‘I already am,’ Shay grinned.
Chapter 42
Shay spent the next few days attacking her to-do pile. She went to see David Charles, her mother’s faithful solicitor, and asked if he’d help her negotiate her divorce. He said of course he would and laughed when she told him about defacing the papers. He took down some notes and responded to the petition. She agreed to a fifty-fifty split on the house. She’d keep Candlemas and wouldn’t touch Bruce’s savings or pension pot. A clean, fair, full and final settlement and they could both go on their merry way.
She met Sunny in the White Swan afterwards. There was only a fortnight and a half left to the wedding now and she wanted to have the talk with him that her mother had had with her outside the church. That had been a bit too last-minute.
‘You okay, Mum?’ he said. ‘I’ve been worried about you. It’s so good to see you.’
‘I’m fine,’ she replied, determined not to mention that he really didn’t look like a man eager to meet a bride at the end of an aisle.
Over Chicken Kievs they indulged in small talk. Shaytold him she’d been staying in Millspring reconnecting with people from her past and he told her that Bruce had been in touch to tell him his version of why he’d left her. It tallied with what he’d told Courtney, though Sunny hadn’t called his dad a wanker, just told him that he was a thoughtless clot and hoped that he wasn’t making the biggest mistake of his life. Shay circumvented the elephant wearing the wedding dress in the room until she could avoid it no longer.
‘Sunny, when I was about to get married, your gran was waiting for me outside the church door. She said that if I had cold feet, to never mind about the cost, the expense, any embarrassment, all I had to do was get back in the car and my dad would tell the guests it was off and that would be it, no further action needed on my part.’ She lifted her head and held his eyes. They were just like hers, just like she imagined Ammon Habib’s must have been. ‘She had a feeling she couldn’t shake off that I was doing the wrong thing, she said. And… though I wouldn’t have missed having you and Courtney for anything… if I’m being honest, I think she was right.’
There, she’d admitted it aloud. She liked Bruce, she fancied him, she enjoyed being with him, she was grateful to him for making her feel normal again, but she hadn’t loved him to her full capacity. She’d grown to love him, over the years, the risk had paid off, but it had been nothing like what she had felt for Jonah Wells.
‘Mum, Karoline’s pregnant,’ Sunny blurted out. ‘I couldn’t leave her even if I wanted to.’
Shay felt a lump of lead land with a thud in her stomach.
‘When did you find this out?’
‘Friday night. But we’re waiting until she’s twelve weekson before going public. Angela and Simon don’t even know yet.’
Shay noted her son’s downturned mouth, the lack of light in his eyes, the aura of sadness hanging around him like a grey fog.
‘Sunny, darling, you don’t look a quarter as happy about delivering that news to me as you should,’ said Shay. She reached for his shoulder, squeezed it and she registered how he winced, how he jerked from the contact as surely as if she had just delivered an electric shock. ‘It’s really not too late to stop this ride and get off. Whatever the circumst—’
He leaned over, kissed her cheek and then stood up.
‘I can’t have this conversation with you, Mum. I’ll see you at my wedding. Please, please just… let it happen.’
She stood also, and he pushed at the air between them to keep her away.
