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My answer buys me a few seconds of silence, but that’s it.
“Oh, come on. Really?” she quips. “Fine, I’ll only read a chapter then. And I’ll keep my voice soft. This is the best way to get him to calm down, I think. It’s like when little kids won’t settle down, and you read them a nighttime story.”
She clears her throat. “Actually, you might like this, too. It could help you with your Danielle conundrum. Ya know, how she keeps turning you down? I’m sure you’re discouraged. Maybe you just need to learn some basics. This chapter’s all about dating etiquette.”
Great, she’s going to keep me up and shove unwanted dating advice down my throat, too. I close my eyes and try to block out her voice. That’s sort of hard, though. Besides the occasional hiss and snap from the fire, and the sound of Blue’s hooves on various throw rugs, her voice is the only sound in this freaking yurt.
“In this chapter, we’re going to explore the common courtesies involved in asking a person out for a cup of coffee, a picnic lunch, or a romantic dinner. In our fast-paced modern world, some of these basic skills have been lost along the way. Many think that when it comes to online dating, they can overlook and ignore these absolutely essential basics. I’m here to tell you that’s not the case. In fact, in the online dating world, it is more important than ever to be polite, courteous, and respectful.”
Sheesh.
Is she really going to read an entire chapter of this nonsense?
Clop, clop, clop.
Blue’s steps sound awfully close.
I hold back a groan—don’t want to have that conversation again—and turn over and get a face-full of goat.
Blue nudges my nose.Bump.
It’s gentle like he’s checking in with me. His nose is cool.
Over on the bed, I hear Olivia giggle. “You two aresobonding.”
“We are not.”
“Okay, fine. Whatever. But this is working… He’s getting sleepy already.” I hear a page turn.“If you’re feeling uncertain right now, don’t fret! The rules of etiquette we are about to go over are not going to be new to you. By the end of this chapter, you will know with certainty that you already have the basic skills needed for dating success. It’s true. Think of the last time you rode on public transportation. Did you say excuse me, please, or thank you? Have a pleasant conversation with a stranger? Smile at a fellow commuter? Pat yourself on your back! These everyday exchanges are the very people skills that will translate over into your online dating life. With a few tweaks…”
Her voice is soft. Gentle.
And after a while, that grating, annoyed feeling inside me washes away, like her reading is soothing me.
I hate to admit it, but she’s right about Blue. Her soft, steady tone is definitely calming him down, too.
My eyes close. I feel him lie down next to me. His little body pins down one corner of my sleeping bag and his back presses against my side.
I let my arm fall around him because what else can I do?
And now… yep… I’m cradling a goat.
He starts snoring, soft and rhythmic, and Ilikethe sound.
I like having him beside me, too.
I even like how Olivia’s reading now about how to give a polite greeting.
Something must be wrong with me. What have I gotten into?
Chapter 9
Olivia
When I was in Venice, Italy, I fell into a canal.
Like,all the way in.
The water was cold. I was wearing a long skirt and it swirled way up around my face for a minute as my body traveled down, down, down.
