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“You’re Trent’s friend, really, not mine.”
“Thought we were all one big happy friend-family?”
I lower down onto a rock. “I did say that, didn’t I? I guess we’re the sort of friends in our little group that don’t really hang out one-on-one, though.”
“Guess not.” He keeps his hands jammed in his pockets, and he paces over toward the tree. As he pets Blue’s back, he says, “Man, I haven’t been out into the desert in way too long. It’s nice out here. Back home, I bet it’s in the fifties. Here, I’m guessing we’re inching toward sixty-five, maybe even seventy.”
“I think we can do better.”
“Hm?”
“I think we can do better than talk about the weather,” I say. “You want to clear the air between us before things get too weird. That’s why you came on this walk, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, then I know what we have to talk about.”
He’s not going to like this. But he’s the one who brought it up, back there at the pavilion. He’s the one still holding a grudge.
And if I’m honest, I still have some old, buried wounds related to that bonfire dance, too.
Maybe Skye’s onto something, with how old hurts need healing. Maybe Cole and I will be better off if we shine some light on that old memory from our past.
He shoves his hands in his pockets. “Oh yeah? What?”
“Look… that time you asked me out…? I was only fifteen. I’d never been asked to a dance before in my life.” He keeps his attention pinned on Blue. Like suddenly he’s fascinated by the goat’s eating habits.
“I’d been to dances,” I continue. “Withfriends, but never witha date. But that year, going to a dance with a group of girls was suddenly out of style, and all my friends had dates. Except me. I remember sitting in homeroom, listening to Marilyn Shaw brag about being asked by three different guys. And I just sat there, feeling ugly and fat and horrible about myself.”
He jerks his head over toward me. “Hunh?”
It was bad enough admitting to it once. Do I really have to say all that again?
“My teenage years were rough… in case you don’t remember.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I was the most overweight girl in my class. My self-esteem was non-existent. I didn’t know anything about self-care, or self-respect, or self-love. The inside of my head was pretty much a warzone, twenty-four-seven.”
“No way. You were popular.”
“I was popular because I kissed up to the girls in the popular clique. Maybe they wanted someone around to make them feel better about themselves… What do I know?”
“You always seemed happy.”
“I got good at being perky and upbeat. That’s the kind of person others want to be around, right? But most of the time, I was miserable and afraid. I hated it that all my friends had guys that liked them, even boyfriends. And I hated it even more that Trent thought he could fix that.”
“What are you talking about?”
“He was always trying to get guys in my class to ask me out. Remember Billy Jenkins? Trent paid him ten bucks to buy me a rose on Valentine's Day, just ‘cause he didn’t want to see me crying that night. And that was nice enough because I actually didn’t fall asleep crying that Valentine’s Day—for once. Then he got Dan Rodriguez to give me some goofy love note, all because I was super sad that all my friends were getting notes like that. I know Trent was only trying to help. But, to have him rope you into asking me to the dance…? It was too much.”
“He didn’t rope me into anything.”
“Come on. I know he did. You don’t have to lie.”
Cole turns thoughtful, silently watching Blue munch. Overhead, a pair of ravens flies in a big circle. I can hear their wings slice through the air.
When Cole ambles my way, I scootch over to make room for him on the rock. He leans forward and props his elbows on his knees.
