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A few staff members exit the clinic. Their conversation fades as they turn toward the parking lot.
“Sounds like she was a good one,” my dad says, “and she got away. At least, she must have been something, if you’re still feeling the old feelings after all this time.”
Raindrops feel cool on my face. The sky’s darkening with each minute that passes.
“She was here in Stillwell for a couple weeks. That’s what brought it up for me.”
He shakes his head. “That might be what brought it up to the surface, but you ask me, you’ve been loving her this whole time. That’s why you haven’t been with anyone else. Your mother and I have worried about you… but this makes sense.”
“I’ll get over it.”
“I don’t know,” my dad says.
His words make my gut wrench.
What does he mean, he doesn’t know?
“I’ll be fine,” I say again.
“Nick, let me tell you something. I don’t know it all. You get older, and you realize that. There’s a lot I don’t understand about life. But I’ve been in love, and I know what it’s like. Real love never fades out. You might forget it for a little while, let it settleinto the background. But if it’s real, it’ll keep right on burning. Maybe, if you love this woman, you ought to tell her how you feel.”
“It’s too late.” I look up at the sky and track the passage of a dot of blinking light. A plane’s up there, flying west. Chances are good it’s not Maddison’s, but still. It makes me think of her, somewhere between here and the West Coast.
Fredricka texted me today with a Nosy Neighbor update. Her husband drove Sylvester and Maddison to the airport earlier today. Together.
“What, did she die?” my father asks, a little hint of his former mannerisms making his voice sound bold.
“No, Pop, she didn’t die. Like I said, she left town.”
“Well, so what? You got a car, right? Money in the bank? Get yourself to where she is.”
“I can’t.”
“You can’t, or you won’t? There’s a big difference, son. Now, I know I’ve given you bad advice in the past, so let me make up for it today. First love is worth fighting for—especially if she’s ‘the one.’ Plenty of people let it get away, and they settle for someone who’s all wrong. All wrong, but convenient. Here’s the thing—chances are, real love won’t be convenient. It’ll be out of reach until you take that big leap toward it. Maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to go. To get all us foolish people to grow a little.”
“Ha. Yeah. We could do with that, as a species.”
An ambulance siren closes in on the ER. Medics wheel the stretcher in. My father waits as I think.
My car is parked in the lot beside us. I can see it from here.
What if…
What if I got in it and drove to the airport? What if I hopped a plane to LA?
A sudden lightness wriggles in my chest. Catches, like a fire starting. Lights me up.
My father has a twinkle in his eye. “You’re gonna fight for her?”
“I think—I think I have to.”
Maddison might not choose me.
She might be well on her way to getting back with Sylvester, for all I know.
I was ready to swallow down my real feelings and settle for being her friend. But visiting her in LA as her friend—maybe even when she’s some other man’s wife—that will never be enough for me.
It’s going to be a big risk, to come clean about how I feel.
