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Me:Okay.
Fuck, I’m so stupid, it’s going to take me so long to get home. I cry to myself, I’ll call him now, well, maybe in a few minutes, at least he can think I’m safe, instead of looking for me. I sit for a few more minutes, but it’s eating me up, knowing he’s out looking for me… I feel guilty... I don’t feel panicked at all, knowing he’s looking for me. That’s new. Before now, if I went out, or was out longer than intended, Glen would come looking for me… even if he knew where I was, he would drag me back home and well… it never ended great for me – memories I would rather forget then keep reliving. But this feeling I have…
No, I can’t… he’s engaged to what seems like an amazing woman! Move on…
Okay, I can’t put it off any longer. I copy the number over and call it, holding my breath.
“Thank fuck, where are you? I’ll come and get you!” You can hear the relief in his voice; it’s actually nice to hear. I can feel myself relax a little and smile… maybe he actually cares about me…is that so far-fetched?
“I’m home,” I say with confidence, “just getting into bed.”
“Really? Is that so..? You managed to walk home faster than I could drive to your apartment, sneak past me, waiting outsidethe main door, which is broken, by the way... then climb into bed.” I think I’ve been rumbled…
“Oh, shit, um, yes? I can be very sneaky.” I almost laugh, but remember just in time, it would hurt like hell if I did.
“Sneaky you may be, but home you are not! Where are you? It’s been well over half an hour since you left, you should be back by now.”
He sounds so grumpy.
“I sat on the floor to rest, and I can’t get back up... yet… I’ve tried. I’ll manage it, though, at some point… oh brilliant it’s raining, that’s the perfect way to end this shitty day, what else can happen now, oh yeah I forgot I don’t even have a…” I stop suddenly when I realise what I was going to say.
“If you have finished ranting, I’d like to know where you are so I can come and get you. And put you to bed myself”.
I freeze, what the fuck, did he just say that?
“Shit, ha, that came out wrong, sorry, just tell me where you are please?” He doesn’t sound sorry though, he sounds husky... and sexy and all things… nope.
I try to stand up again but it hurts too much and I cry out. I can hear him on the other end of the phone getting agitated when I don’t answer.
“Mil, please, just tell me, I want to help you.”
“Okay okay…” I say in defeat. I know I won’t make it home on my own. “I don’t know the name of the road, but it’s about four streets down from the pub, I didn’t get far.” I tell him, sighing down the phone to him.
“I’ll find you, I won’t be long, stay on the phone with me, so I know you’re okay.” I almost break down on the phone. I’ve not had this feeling for a while, it feels nice. He actually wants to help me, like he cares for me.
“I’m not sure how much more I can take of this,” I say, sinking back into the wall. Closing my eyes, I let the rain fall on my face, it feels nice.
“What do you mean Millie?” He says softly
“It’s just been a rough few months, that’s all.”
He doesn’t say a word, but I know he is there.
A few minutes later, I hear him say, “I can see you” over the phone. I hear a car pull up and a door open; I open my eyes to see Jack almost running to me, I summon everything I have to stand up before he gets to me, but I can’t do it. I’ve got nothing left, I just want to sleep. I feel his arms move around me. It feels warm and safe as he lifts me to my feet as gently as he can, scooping me up into his arms.
“I’ve got you Millie,” I hear him say into my hair as he places me in the car. We start to drive to my new shitty home in silence. I don’t know what to say to him. Our paths have crossed for the first time in six years, and he takes care of me, like we’re old friends or lovers. It all feels too much, but right at the same time and it scares me so badly I can feel myself shaking.
When we arrive, I go to get my keys out but he takes my bag from me. I try to protest, but the look he gives me says, ‘don’t even try’.
“Can you help me out?” I ask as he opens my door, I swing my legs around and he pulls me up out of the car and tucks me into his side so he can help me walk, which I’m grateful for. When we reach the main door he stops looking for the key.
“It’s broken, remember, you don’t need the key,” he looks annoyed and opens it, as we walk up the stairs. I can feel his hands on me, helping me up the three flights. Every step and every breath hurts, but it doesn’t take my mind away from his hands on me, with every touch, I can feel sparks; it’s like a painkiller, it’s what I need, but I know I can’t have.
When we get to my door, I stop and turn around to face him. He fills the small staircase with his huge god-like statue body of all men. All I want to do is touch him, but each time I think of him, I think of Emma. I back into my door, trying to take a step away from him.
“Thank you, you have done more than enough for me tonight, I can see myself to bed.” I chuckle and wince, even laughing hurts. This sucks.
“Umm, I wouldn’t mind tucking you in Millie.” Lifting his hand, he brushes my cheek. I close my eyes and enjoy it for just a split second, the way he says my name, it sends a wonderful zing through me. I want this so bad, but he’s engaged. I can’t. I’m not that girl.
