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Yesterday he told me not to order anything for the apartment, as Em was working on getting some furniture back for me, which is great. Fingers crossed, I’ll be back there soon, in my own space, to find out who I am and start my life the way I intended, man free. Every time I say this to myself, I feel a little pinch in my chest, but I ignore it and try focusing on something else.
The thought of leaving also makes me feel so… sad. I want to have my own space, I need to feel free, and staying in a hotel suite being waited on hand and foot by this godlike, adonise of aman is not gaining me that feeling. So why do I feel like this? So sad? No… I’m not ready to answer that question. Pushing that feeling down again, I grab my notebook and start working on my new idea. I signed up to some free design software, and have bought myself a second-hand laptop. It does what I need for now, my first pay cheque should cover what I have spent, after leaving some money for Jack to pay him back for everything he has done.
So with not being able to move from the suite for the last week, today I decided I needed to get out. I have dressed myself, with no help needed from Jack, much to his disappointment, and I have settled on the sofa.
Jack’s not touched me since that night. He teases and talks about it but never sees it through. It’s nice, I think.
Anyway, I’ve focused my energy on building my business, I’ve been working on a few fabric designs, and it feels amazing. I have even thought up a name for my business, ‘Milliecan.’ Because I can, I’ve been told I couldn’t do anything for so long. It’s nice to know I can and I will. I have not told Jack yet about my business; he keeps asking what I’m up to. All I’m telling him is it’s a new project I’m working on. He keeps trying to sneak looks while I’m working, but I just shut it down. I will tell him when I’m ready, I just want it to be mine for a little while, enjoy the feeling of being creative again.
I had to cancel my meeting with Emma last Sunday, but I have arranged to meet her tomorrow after work. I can’t believe I got the purchasing job. It’s great, well paid, Monday to Friday, so I can still work at the pub, Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. Things are looking up.
My first day at work today came around like a flash. Mary, the manager, has been amazing, she has shown me everything, and I’ve taken to it easily. Doing everything that needs to be done and a little more. In true Jack form, he sent me lunch, followedby a bunch of flowers wishing me good luck, which was really sweet. I messaged him saying:
Me:Thank you, but I can get my own lunch.
To which he replied:
Jack:You’re welcome, I know you can, I want to make sure you’re eating.
Ha, well, if it hadn’t been for him sending me lunch, I would not have eaten. I would have just worked through like I normally would have. It’s like he knows me already, which scares me even more.
A few minutes later, there is another delivery of a massive piece of chocolate cake, accompanied by a very large coffee. I eat the cake and drink the coffee, take a picture of the empty plate and send it to him, turning my phone off so I carry on working. By the time I look back up from the computer, it’s already 5.15 pm and it’s time for me to clock off, but before I go, I make a list of everything I need to get done tomorrow, say a quick goodbye to Mary and head to the suite to get ready to meet Em at the pub.
It’s been so nice to get back to some normality today. It really feels like some of the weight has been lifted off my shoulders. There is still so much I need to sort out with the house, my business and my apartment that my head still feels a little overwhelmed. But knowing I now have two jobs is putting my money worries at ease a little. Hopefully, Em will be able to help me take a step forward with the house. I don’t want Jack to know yet, I want this to go as smoothly as possible, and I know as soon as he finds out, he will want to help. But this is definitely something I need to do on my own. Once the house is sold, I canbuy a new place, set up my biz from there and look to the future properly. I’m so excited about it all.
When I walk into the suite, Jack’s not there, which is great; I can get changed and go out without having him worry. I’ll send him a message that I’ve gone to meet Em.
“Oh shit,” I say out loud to an empty bedroom. I totally forgot to turn my phone back on. A swell of panic and fear rises in me, my thoughts instantly go to Glen, and what he would do when he found out I switched it off. I hurry to turn it on, almost crying, and then it hits me all over again. I chuckle to myself, realising I don’t have to worry anymore. My panic calms slightly, I sit on the edge of the bed with my head in my hands and take a few deep breaths, tears still streaming down my face, but tears of relief this time; he won’t hurt me ever again. It’s hard to get my head around that, my head knows I’ve left him, but my body is reacting like I’m still there. I suppose it will take time for these things to stop happening.
After a few minutes, I head into the bathroom to take a long shower. Once I’m dried off, I step into the bedroom and dress in a long green flowing skirt and black cami. I unpin my hair from its high bun and tame the waves as best I can, plaiting one side to keep it out of my face. Heading out to the kitchen, I grab a bottle of wine and a glass and take it to the living room. I have half an hour or so before I need to meet Em, so I decide to sit and relax with a glass of wine. It’s so nice I have two glasses before I leave and plan on drinking the rest when I get back. It’s now almost 6.30 pm and the evening air is crisp and fresh. Hugging my leather jacket closer to me, I walk the short distance to the pub, still a little early.
“Emilie, you look good, how are you feeling? Jack said it will still be a week or so before you can come back to work?” Mike says when he spots me walking in.
“Thanks Mike,” I say with a smile, shaking my head at the thought of Jack talking to Mike for me. I know he means well, but this is my life, not his.
“Forget what Jack says I’ll be back tomorrow for my shift, I’m feeling much better thank you.” I walk up to the bar and lean against it.
“Only if you’re sure, we will keep you out the back this week, then next week back to normal?” He doesn’t sound sure at all, I’m betting Jack will have something to say about it. But he is not the boss of me, well technically, he is here… damn it. Oh well he’ll just have to live with it.
“Sounds perfect, no need to run it by Jack, I’ll let him know, could I get two glasses of wine, one for me, one for Em please?”
“Sure can,” he says as he pins me with a worried stare. “Should you be drinking on those painkillers?” Honestly, it is like having my dad back; it feels nice to have people worry over me. I have only known them for a few weeks and they are already feeling like close friends.
“Yes, Dad,” I tease, rolling my eyes at him. He smirks at me and pours the drinks.
“On the house,” he says as he sets the drinks down in front of me. Taking a sip, I thank him, then move over to a table a little out of the way, where I know we will be able to chat away from the busy bar.
“I’m so sorry I’m late, my stupid boss made me catch up on all my emails before I left!” Em says as she sits down opposite me, reaching for the glass.
“I thought you were the boss?” I think she’s messing with me, but I’m not sure.
“Ha, I am yes, I can be mean as hell to my staff sometimes,” she says with a wink, then laughs at me, taking a sip of her wine. “I’ll get us another, keep us going for a while.” When she stands to leave, I let out a breath… I’m nervous.
I feel so uncomfortable. I’ve not been out with a friend for such a long time; it feels almost alien to me, what will we even talk about? I can feel my anxiety levels going up slightly.
The last time I went out with one of my friends was almost three years ago, just after… well it all started to go south. I met Charlie, my best friend at the time for a few drinks and we never saw each other again after that night. I’m not even sure what happened, we had a great night together just like we always did, then she never responded to any of my messages or calls, and after a few weeks, I gave up. Glen said I was better off without her, but clearly, he didn’t want anyone on my side and Charlie always looked out for me.
“You look deep in thought, penny for them?” she says, placing another glass of wine down in front of me.
