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He hands me a sheaf of paper. Printouts. I scan through the first pages. Freeze all the way down to my heart and belly. “What is this?”
“That’s him. On a shady online message board.”
I gulp, passing the pages back because even the few paragraphs I read made my stomach churn. “He’s talking about me?”
“Yes.” William is sober and somehow gentle at the same time. “I’ve had folks investigating his history, and he used to write that way about Jade on that same forum. Maybe it’s some sort of elaborate misdirection, but we can’t take any chances.”
“You think he’s going to start stalking me?” It’s surreal. So far removed from the way I’ve been living my life these past years that I can barely process it.
“We think it’s a possibility. So we’d like to assign you some security.”
“But I don’t… I don’t do anything! I stay home and do errands and volunteer at the community center. That’s it. I’m not in the public eye anymore.”
“I understand that, but Jade wasn’t in the public eye when he latched onto her. She lived a very quiet life just like you do. That’s one of the characteristics that evidently appeals to him.”
I feel a spiral of panic rising inside me, so I breathe slowly until I have it under control. “O-okay. So you want to assign me a bodyguard?”
“Yes. That’s what we’d like to do. I’ve spoken to Arthur, and he agrees it’s necessary, but we both understand it’s your choice. If you say no, we won’t push it on you.” He meets and holds my eyes. “But please, Louisa, don’t say no.”
I stare at him for nearly a minute until I’ve controlled my internal shaking. “All right. That’s okay with me. I don’t actually want to be stalked or hurt, so I’ll accept a bodyguard. But I don’t want any security measures to stifle my life. As I said, I don’t go out all that much, but I’d like to keep doing what I’m doing.”
“That’s fine. You don’t have to stop your normal routine. Jade and I aren’t planning to hole up now that Montaigne is out of prison. We just want to take some reasonable precautions. If you agree, we’ll assign you a rotation of three guards on eight-hour shifts.”
I nod. “Okay.”
“Caleb Morrison will lead the team. You remember him?”
The name makes me freeze. My heart tightens into a heavy clench. “Wh-what?”
“Caleb?” William is frowning slightly, appearing sober and focused and slightly concerned. “Maybe you don’t remember him.”
“I do.” I swallow hard. “It has to be him?”
Jade and William slant each other a quick sidelong look.
“No,” William says. “We can make a change if we need to. But Caleb is the best we have. Is there a problem with him?”
“Are you not comfortable with him?” Jade asks in a soft follow-up.
“No, there’s not a problem. He was always great at his job. I just…” I glance away, my face working slightly as I fight through the rise of emotion.
The problem is that all these emotions are completely irrational. Unfair. Caleb isn’t to blame in any way for the intense discomfort I feel at the idea of his being around again.
He never did anything wrong.
I did.
Idid.
I was always the one who was wrong.
“Louisa?” Jade prompts. “It’s really okay if?—”
“It’s fine,” I burst out. “Caleb was always great. I’m… Well, the truth is I’m kind of embarrassed about how I acted when he was last assigned to me, but that’s been three years now. I can get over the embarrassment.”
William scans my face quickly, as if searching for proof that I’m telling him the truth. Whatever he sees in my expression must reassure him, because he gives a brief nod. “All right. We’ll go with it then. He’s outside right now. I’ll go?—”
“He’s outsidenow?” There’s a slight squeak in my voice despite my attempt to sound coolly composed.
