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His lips are too soft, his hands too smooth. I liked the burn from Riggs’ beard between my thighs, the way his full lips grazed against my skin and his callous hands palmed a map that only he knew.
My heart stills for a moment when I see the door open and Riggs steps forward, his eyes scanning the room and I know he is looking for me. Ducking my head down and into Conrad’s neck to hide my shameful blush at seeing the guy I have crushed on since I was a kid.
“You okay?” Conrad asks and I nod against his side, inhaling his fresh scent. I inhale deeply as I sit back and keep my eyes pinned to Conrad.
“Thinking…” he trails off for a moment, his picture-perfect smile slipping across his lips as he gazes into my eyes, “how about after here, we go lay on the bed of my truck and just watch the stars?”
My eyes widen and my heart constricts in my chest at the memory of when me and Riggs used to do just that. We used to drive across their fields and down to Crooked Valley where there was nothing around us except rolling hills, mountains and a blanket of stars above us.
“Yeah, sounds good,” I manage to squeeze out as I swallow. But I didn’t want to stargaze with Conrad. It was always mine and Riggs’ thing, connecting us like the constellations we lay under, our hearts threaded. I wasn’t ready to let go of that part of us. We never got our happily ever after, but our souls are entwined with the stars, our hearts wrapped in the galaxies.
“Let’s get another drink, same again?” he asks turning to face my wine and I nod. “Okay,” he murmurs as his lips brush against the top of my head and I wish my heart fluttered in my chest like it did when Riggs kissed me.
Riggs gives me an erratic, galloping heart rate, but with Conrad, it’s a flatline. I lift my eyes, finally looking in his direction and that’s when his beautiful sage eyes burn into mine.
We hold each other’s gaze for only moments, but I feel as if the floor beneath me slips away and sends us free falling into nothingness. Weightless, free, an invisible string linked between him and I slowly gravitating us towards each other, pulling us closer and closer; but the string snaps as soon as Riggs pulls his eyes from mine and suddenly, I am face down on the floor with an unbearable weight crushing in my chest.
I should be sitting over there with my friends. I should have Riggs’ hand resting on my thigh, his other arm wrapped around the back of my chair but instead I am sitting as an outsider, watching everything but not being involved and I only have myself to blame.
“Excuse me,” I manage as my heart gallops like wild horses and I feel my anxiety begin to slowly suffocate me. I needed out.
“I’ll get the drinks,” Conrad says softly, and I hate that it’s not him my heart yearns for.
I nod, slipping past him and ignore as his finger dusts across the skin of my lower back. I’m wearing a cropped oatmeal jumper and high waisted black jeans with knee-high heeled boots. My hair is down and sits in loose curls that tumble down my back.
Keeping my head down and holding my breath as I walk past their table, their eyes are on me as I push into the restrooms and once I am tucked away I exhale. Running my hands under the cold tap, I pat my hand behind my neck to try to bring my body temperature down. I feel clammy and hot and I know it’s because I have got myself in a state. I keep replaying Riggs between my legs, and for some reason it all feels too intimate and makes me feel like I have cheated on Conrad.
I shake it off, grabbing a paper towel and drying my hands when I hear the restroom door go and I know it’s Harlow.
I stiffen slightly, standing a little straighter and roll my shoulders back ready for her onslaught but she says nothing. Just stands next to me, her eyes on mine in the reflection of the mirror as the breath catches at the back of my throat.
“Look…” she starts and I break the contact, dropping my head and curling my fingers round the edge of the sink, keeping my lips pressed into a tight line. “I don’t want it to be like this between us. Fuck,” she pauses for a moment and I slowly lift my eyes to look at her. Her dark curly brown hair is pulled into a messy ponytail, she wears a knitted mid length dress and her old cowboy boots. “We both done things to hurt each other,” and I go to speak but she holds her hand up, “more so me than you…” she gives a small apologetic smile and my lip lifts slightly at one corner. “We were best friends, yes I shouldn’t have slept with Riggs or thrown it in your face and I am sorry for sleeping with Austin… it just…”
And now it’s my turn to hold my hand up and I slowly turn to face her.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I was young and naive. Riggs didn’t belong to me, he never did and never has. I just was a little cut up because my prom night didn’t go the way I wanted it to, that mixed with my accident, I just felt so alone as the visits dwindled into nothing. And when I was well enough to actually leave my room, I found out that you slept with Riggs as well as my brother.” I pause and watch as she hides behind her hands, shaking her head from side to side.
“I sound like such a slut,” she scoffs and I let out a small laugh as I reach forward and pull her hands from her pretty face.
“No,” I snort, “you don’t.”
She sighs, her head tilting to the side.
“I’m sorry too. I’m sorry for exploding on you, I just…” I trail off and she nods.
“I know.”
“I never wanted to fall out with you, God I missed you so much. And when I met Luke, you were the first person I wanted to call but I was too stubborn to make the first move so I am sorry for that too.”
I watch as her shoulders visibly relax before she throws herself at me, her hands pressed against my back as I wrap mine round her slender body.
“Friends?” she whispers, her chin on my shoulder.
“Always.”
We walk back to the table hand in hand and I slowly release my grip as we approach her table, I give her one last smile and continue forward to my own table where Conrad sits with a wide grin waiting for me.
“Sorry I was a while, had some bits to sort out,” I snort a giggle and he just stands, places a kiss on my cheek and ushers me in beside him.
