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I step into the shower. The water is scalding, although that helps ground me. The pain of it. I guess that’s a bad habit—I couldn’t stop taking hot showers after my mom died. I’d come out with my skin too red, hot to the touch, the bathroom filled with steam.
This is like that.
Except a moment later, Knox hoots, and the door swings inward. He pulls open the door to the shower and steps in behind me, immediately wincing.
“You’re going to burn yourself,” he snaps, pushing the head of the shower away from our bodies. “What are you doing?”
My throat is blocked. All I can do is shake my head and half-heartedly shrug.
“Come on, it wasn’t that bad, was it?” He touches under my chin, lifting my face, and turns down the temperature with his other hand.
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “How was your first time?”
He frowns. “I blew my load in under thirty seconds.”
“When?” I redirect the water to hit my back, soaking my hair and rolling down my shoulders.
“What do you mean?”
“When did you lose your virginity?”
He stares at me for a beat.
Then another.
“College,” he answers carefully.
My brows furrow. I don’t know how to deal with the unexpected jealousy. Or the urge to get her name and hunt her down.
“Be specific, Knox.”
“Approximately two days after I told you I never wanted to see you again,” he mutters.
To his credit, he doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t hide it. It’s obvious he doesn’t want me to know, but he still said it. So I can’t flinch either. I try to absorb it, pondering the mystery of Knox Whiteshaw.
There’s the fact that he was a virgin when we got married, too. That he hadn’t slept with anyone else, even though he flirted with other girls in high school. Even though it took him a while to come around tome, I’m the one who stuck.
But then, he was truly convinced I cheated on him.
And he stayed convinced, foryears.
Devastation blows through me.
“You dated Willow…”
“I did.”
My throat is tight. It seems like Iwantto flay myself open with this line of questioning. But not knowing stings worse. “Was she the one who?—?”
“No.” He strokes the side of my face. “No, it was some random puck bunny, I don’t know her name. I tried to forget their names as fast as possible.”
I close my eyes. “Just tell me what you saw to make you think I would’ve done that. Please.”
His hand on my cheek stills. “I can’t.”
“I can’t do this, then.”
“Do what?”
