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It takes me a moment to realize that it’s not her. That they let go of the number. It belongs to someone else now. And it makes me realize that I can still picture her mom’s voice. That piece of her hasn’t left me.
Does Aurora still remember it? Things fade from memory, it’s only normal. But… I don’t know. I haven’t asked, and I’m afraid of what her answer would be if I did.
“Wrong number,” I manage.
I hang up, my face burning from foolishness, and call my mom.
“Hey, honey,” she answers immediately. “Are you okay?”
“Am I—” My voice breaks. “No. I’m so far from okay.”
Shit. I’m about two seconds from losing it. A lump forms in my throat.
“I’m here.” Her voice is warm, and shefeelshere. Next to me. “Miles told me Aurora is in the hospital. Her father left this afternoon.”
I don’t even know what time it is.
But thinking about her dad coming across country at the drop of a hat makes it seem worse. I’ve been strong for a really long time. Or maybe not strong, but… sure of myself. Confident, even in the face of stupid choices. I never looked back, never second-guessed myself.
Even when I should’ve.
“I don’t know what to do.”
I sink to my knees, my eyes filling with tears. They spill over, and suddenly I’m uncontrollably sobbing. Everything hurts. It’s an exorcism of grief pouring out all at once. I fucked up so much time with Aurora. Six years’ worth of festeringangercoming off me, keeping her at bay. Yet, keeping her tied to me.
And I’m so glad to still have her?—
But now I might lose her.
“Knox,” my mom says. “My dear boy. It’ll be okay.”
“It’s bad, Mom. It’s so bad, and I’ve been a terrible person to her.” I rub at my eyes, but I can’t seem to pull myself together. “What if she dies?”
“She’s not going to die,” Mom says firmly.
But she might.
“Why didn’t you tell me about her mom?”
She’s quiet for a long moment. I focus on her breathing, the steadiness of it. There’s one thing I could always count on, andthat’s my mother being a rock. My dad, too, but he’s not as nurturing. He was the one taking us to hockey, but she’s the one who would bandage us up if we got hurt while roughhousing.
“I was protecting Aurora,” she says. “We saw how you broke her heart, honey, and none of us understood it. I thought you coming back when she was at a low point—it would’ve only made things harder for her.”
She said she wanted me there.
But I wouldn’t have been nice. I wouldn’t have understood her innocence, and I wouldn’t have been supportive.
Which means my mother did the right thing by keeping me away.
I swallow around the fucking meteor-sized lump in my throat. “I really fucked up. I believed a lie about her, I blew up everything. I loved her, Mom. I loved her when I was sixteen, seventeen, eighteen. And one lie clouded my judgment.”
“And now?”
“I love her now, too.”
The bathroom door opens. Miles sticks his head in, then fully enters when he spots me on the floor.
“Miles is here,” I tell her.
