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I handed him my phone, my spray of messages to Linden still on the screen. “Look at what I did. You might have to scroll up to see the entirety of this disaster.”
He scrolled, then stopped. “Oh.” Then he laughed. “Oh my.”
“I called it a kum quick tree.” I stared at him, eyes wide, hands outstretched. “A kum quick tree. Could this get any worse? Yes it can, because then I sent ten more messages, making it so much worse. I can’t deliver his order tonight. I can’t go on the date tomorrow. I can’t?—”
My phone beeped in Robbie’s hand.
“Oh, he replied,” Robbie said, trying not to smile.
“Oh no,” I breathed. “What did he say? No, don’t tell me. Just toss my phone into the water. I’ll tell him it was stolen. I will pretend none of this happened.”
He grimaced at me, though it was still a smile. “His reply was hahaha. Actually, Keats, it’s three lines of haha in all caps.” He turned the phone around to show me.
And there on the screen, was indeed three lines of HAHAHAHA in all caps.
I deflated. “Awesome.”
“He’s typing something else,” Robbie said. Then he laughed. “He wants to know if that’s a magic tree. Does that happen merely on sight? Or does he have to eat the fruit?”
I buried my face in my hands. “This is so bad.”
Robbie laughed. “It’s perfect. It means he has a sense of humour.” Then, because it couldn’t possibly get any worse, Robbie took a photo of me and hit Send.
“What? No!” I tried to get the phone from him, but he was too fast, and apparently way faster at texting than me.
He’s dying inside
Robbie showed me the screen so I could see. The pic was of me turned to the shelves with my face buried in my hands.
I looked at Robbie. “Why? Why did you do that?”
Then my phone rang, Linden’s name on the screen. Robbie grinned and handed me my phone. “That’s why. You’re welcome, by the way.”
I took the stupid phone and hit Answer. “New phone, who this?”
He burst out laughing. “Oh my god, Keats.”
“My phone was stolen and it wasn’t me,” I said.
Linden laughed and laughed. “Oh my god, it was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. I’m still not even out of bed yet, and I’ve never laughed so much.”
Oh, great. He’s in bed.
I didn’t need that visual.
“I’m so sorry,” I tried. “Autocorrect sabotaged me.”
“I don’t know. I rather like the sound of the kum quick tree. Well, as long as it’s not too quick, if you know what I mean.”
I sighed. “I’m never going to live this down.”
“Who took the photo?”
“Robbie. Who is now fired, by the way. Well, maybe after he delivers your tree because I’m not sure I can face you.”
He laughed again. “Yes, you can. Don’t feel bad. It was hilarious. And autocorrect gets us all at some point or another.”
“Ugh.”
