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“Of course.”
“Treating anyone as if they’re beneath you,” he added. “That’s a hard limit for me.”
“Good. I agree.”
“And leaving your stuff all over the floor like an animal or a feral teenager.” He made a face. “Or like you expect someone else to pick up after you.”
“Okay, that’s fair.” I held up my hand like it was a scout’s honour thing. “I shall dutifully try to not leave my shit all over the floor. Like a grown up.”
“Are you making fun of me?”
“Absolutely not.”
He poked me. “Okay, I’m addingmaking fun of Lindento the list of boyfriend don’ts.”
I laughed. “Noted.”
“What are your boyfriend don’ts?”
“Making fun of Linden.”
“I think you’re failing on the first try.”
I snorted. “I’m just kidding.” I lifted his hand to my lips and kissed his knuckles. “I don’t really have a list of don’ts. Just don’t be a terrible person. Don’t take me for granted. Don’t assume I can read minds, because I can’t. And I’m sorely out of practice at the boyfriend thing, so if you’re upset over something, tell me. If you need something, tell me. If you have a problem, tell me. Don’t lie to me. Don’t be hating on pineapple on pizza—it’s a valid topping choice. And don’t speak ill of Beyoncé. That’s it. That’s my list.”
Linden laughed. “Pineapple is?—”
“Shh. It’s on the don’t list.”
His grin was beautiful, and he sat back on the couch, looked at me, and sighed. “I’m glad we’re okay, Keats. The broken condom wasn’t an ideal thing to happen, but for what it’s worth, if I had to go through this with someone, I’m glad it was you.”
I swallowed and ran my thumb over his hand. “I wish it didn’t happen either. But I’m glad we’re okay. I thought you were going to tell me you needed space or time or that you didn’t want to see me anymore. I thought I’d hurt you, and that made me just about want to puke.”
He slid his hand to my jaw and leaned in to kiss me. “You are the sweetest man.”
I took a deep breath in and sighed. “It was more than the consent thing. I mean, that’s a big thing for me, obviously. But I feel like it’s my job to take care of you, to look after you, andI failed. It’s a responsibility thing. For me, at least.” This was awkward to say out loud, but I needed to say this. “When you take me inside you, it’s more than... I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. You trust me to take care of you, and the responsibility is mine to make sure you’re okay, and then when this happened, I know you said it’s not my fault—and I do know that—but still, the responsibility... And I keep thinking, did I put it on too fast, did I compromise it with a hangnail, did I?—”
“Hey,” he whispered. “I get it. I do. Amon said something similar at the clinic. I get the responsibility thing, and I appreciate that. Just know that I don’t blame you. You did nothing wrong.”
I sighed, thankful for his words but still not sure I felt absolved just yet.
“Are you sure you still want to go shopping tomorrow? We can leave it. There’s no rush.” I looked around my lame apartment. “It’s been like this for years. Another week or two won’t hurt.”
“Shopping tomorrow sounds fun. And honestly, the distraction will do us good. Our test results won’t start to come in until next week, and we can’t change what the results will be, so you know what? I think a day of shopping and lunch is just what we need.”
God, he made me so happy. “Okay.”
Linden looked at the pizza. “Have you had enough? You only had one piece.” He handed me another slice, then closed the lid and picked up the remote. “Shall we watch something?”
I had to speak around my mouthful of pizza. “Whatever you wanna watch.”
He laughed, settled in under my arm with his head on my chest, and began to scroll my recently watched list.
“Okay, we need to add ‘Linden makes all TV selections’ to our relationship list of dos.”
I snorted. “That’s fine. I never watch much anyway. I go to bed early because I’m up at half four.”
He grimaced. “We’re also addingKeats does not wake Linden up when he leaves for workto the list of don’ts.” Then he amended, “Unless it’s for sex. Then that’s okay.”
