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"Don't worry about it. When you get there, it will be open. Trust me," Aspasia only replied and pushed me towards the exit. Then she handed me the torch I had put in one of the wall holders when I arrived and opened the door.
My decision was right, but it weighed heavily on my shoulders and hurt my heart.
Nevertheless, I clutched the burning piece of wood and stepped out into the tunnel. Without looking back, I made the first steps in the direction from which I had come.
“Myrina!” Aspasia suddenly called behind me. Hesitantly, I turned to her.
"Sometimes the heart carries the right choices and senses when fate has different plans than you expect." Then the door closed, and I was left perplexed by the echo of her words.
Aspasia was right. As soon as I reached the end of the tunnel at the wall that led into the library, the small gap was visible again. I couldn't waste time on this puzzle since I didn't know if it was already daytime. I quickly hid the blueprints I had left behind when I entered the tunnel in the waistband of my tights at my back and hurried through the library to the door. When I looked around, all that was visible was a smoothly papered wall. It was already dawn outside, but I reached my room unnoticed a little later. Out of breath, I closed my room door behind me and put the paper roll in the hiding place under my bed. Afterward, I wearily lay down on my blankets and pillows.
Now, I was lying here, too exhausted on one side to put on a fresh nightgown and too excited to sleep on the other.
I had experienced, seen, and learned so much today. Some things would fundamentally change me and my view of things. At the thought of what Aspasia had told me about the residents of West 125thStreet, tears ran down my face in the silence of my room. Still, I tried to push the little girl out of my thoughts. Guilt raged deep within me. Although I knew it was wrong, I wondered if I could have done something. If I could have convinced Stephan to intervene? Would the child still be alive now? Unbelievable, but they were all dead! Wiped out! Why and for what? What did the Knights of the Seals expect from this?
Frustrated, I pressed my face into the pillow and screamed out all my despair until I was hoarse and finally fell into a fitful sleep, completely burnt out after all.
During the next few days, I felt torn. My heart, my soul, my faith in myself and the world. Outwardly, I functioned as far as possible and somehow dragged myself through the only sparsely filled daily routine. Although I trained every other evening, I was still powerless and unfocused during the day due to the long nights. Sleep was out of the question since my visit to the tunnels behind the library walls. For hours, I tossed and turned in bed, thinking, seeing the girl's brown, sad, googly eyes, and doubting my decision not to join the women in the underground.
Was there a way to join their group while protecting my family and friends?
On the fifth day, my father finally came home. He looked no less tired and worn out than I did. But his embrace and company at the first dinner together did me good. He made me forget my problems for a short moment. Of course, he could not tell me much about his business trip, but the little anecdotes about encounters with people, animals, and the countryside accompanied me until bedtime.
Then, surprisingly, Alex showed up at my window, and for the first time in almost a week, I snuggled up to him, listened to his voice, and fell right to sleep.
The following day, the world seemed a little more colorful and lighter again, and I vehemently suppressed any thoughts of my experiences. I had decided not to let them drag me down any further. What had happened was sad, but I, Myrina, could not change it. Even though it had taken me a while to realize, it was now firmly anchored in me and helped me stand up again. To be able to move on, I needed all my strength. And misplaced guilt only robbed me of it.
Of course, there was still the question of whether I had made the wrong decision regarding Aspasia’s invitation. But as long as I could not take such a step without fear for family and friends, this seemed the only right way.
The sun had not risen yet, and the whole house was asleep. My gaze fell on Alex, lying beside me, breathing calmly. I was sorry that I hadn't heard anything about what he had told me the night before.
Gently, I blew into his full, brown hair. A slight twitch ran through his body, and he grunted briefly before continuing to sleep. Even a second time, my blowing could not wake him. So I put my lips on his and breathed a kiss on them. This little touch went through my body like fire, and I intensified my caresses by pushing my tongue into Alex's mouth to nudge his own with it.
Suddenly, he was awake and answered my efforts with the same passion. A moan pierced the silence.
Alex pulled me into his arms and rolled me onto my back so that I could lie under him. He bit my lips lustfully, and when I wanted to bite his playfully, I hit his cheek hard with my forehead.
“Ouch,” Alex laughed out. “Not so rough!” He rubbed his hand over the hit spot, and I also felt my head, discovering a slight swelling just above my eyebrow.
“Well, this is more dangerous than our training with weapons,” I chuckled, and Alex rolled onto his side next to me, grinning.
"Well, I can't say that. I think those two guys take me harder than they do you." He demonstratively pushed his shirt sleeve higher, exposing a large purple bruise.
"Look, this is from boxing, and this …" he added, showing me his bare belly where an elongated blue-green stripe stretched from his side to his belly button. "… Is from training with a wooden sword. If it had been a real one, Jack could have cut me in half." His crooked grin reflected pride on one hand and fear on the other.
I had never considered what it meant for Alex to train in the tunnels secretly. To stand against the Brotherhood. He had already put himself in the danger I was trying to protect him from. So had my father and brothers. Their clandestine meetings with informants, the weapons they had smuggled into the training room, and Chris, who pretended to hear my confession every time. Who gave me access to the underground rooms through his church.
I had not joined Aspasia and her women because I did not want to endanger my family. But they were all already in the middle of it without my direct intervention. My actions would not change anything. There was no security for any of us, and the sword of Damocles hovered menacingly over our heads.
Betrayal, carelessness, or just bad luck could be the messengers of death. And no one was immune.
I gently stroked my finger along the large bruise on Alex’s stomach. These injuries were only superficial, but the ones we both carried under our skin were the ones that wouldaccompany us all our lives. We had seen, heard, and experienced too much in the last five years.
"Thank you," I breathed. Surprised, he looked at me. "For what?" he asked.
“For still being here. With me, by my side.”
Tenderness descended over his face, and once again, he pulled me towards him to kiss me gently on the crown of my head.
