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Did I love Alex? I should be able to answer this question with a clear yes. But what kind of love it was, I no longer knew. We had known each other since childhood, had grown up together, and had not parted since. In High School, it felt right to become lovers. After all, I knew him better than I knew myself.
Alex was my best friend, my rock, my salvation. Was this the love that justified a love marriage?
"He is my fiancé; that should be answer enough," I evaded his question. Thoughtfully, he nodded. I had experienced him with Zuri and perceived the familiarity and affection. I did not doubt that he loved her and vice versa. Therefore, I did not even ask him. Hearing it from his mouth would be more painful than knowing their love.
"But what is this then?" he said, gently placing his hand on my chest, on my much too fast beating heart. Immediately, the touch went like lightning through my entire body, making my nipples harden and causing a tantalizing tug in my lower abdomen. His beguiling scent was like an aphrodisiac, and in order to not melt like wax in his hands, I held my breath.
“You feel it too, don’t you?” he continued unperturbed, looking inquiringly into my eyes, which probably betrayed my arousal.
Silently, I shook my head, but my lie was not safe from him. He came closer to me with an amused smile until his lips almost touched my cheeks.
“I can smell your lust, Myrina,” he breathed in my ear. A shiver ran all over my body and forced me to inhale.
I was lost. Definitely lost. His closeness, his scent, his words. They all drove me out of my mind, made me tremble, and my otherwise so reliable steadfastness crumble.
“I want you,” he whispered. “I want all of you. Here and now.”
A trembling moan escaped my throat.
“I can’t.” A pitiful, last attempt to resist the inevitable.
“Then now would be a good time to wake up because I won’t be able to hold back much longer,” he growled, his own lust resonating in the words.
Was that a promise? I wanted nothing more than for it to be one and for him to fulfill it right then and there. I was lost for good.
"I thought so," he whispered and came a little closer to me until I could feel his muscular body entirely on mine. I would have loved to scream that I wanted him, too, and that he should take me.
His arms lovingly wrapped around my waist, and his hands went down my naked back to just above my buttocks. He breathed a tender kiss next to my ear, gradually moving to my lips. My cheek burned under his touch.
In the intoxication of these feelings, I put my hand on the bare skin of his hips, and a pleasant moan escaped. His lips were now hovering directly over mine. His golden, shining eyes looked at me questioningly. He was waiting for mypermission, my consent for this kiss. This gesture finally threw me completely over the cliff. Without any hesitation, I crossed the distance between us, and my mouth met his hot and blazing.
At first, it was a careful, tender kiss, but after we tasted each other, it became wild and passionate.
Gently, his tongue slid inside me, played around mine, and finally ignited the fire between my legs. His hands seemed to be everywhere, drawing their burning traces over my entire body.
I had no choice but to hold on to him so I wouldn't lose myself completely. I was like a blazing torch in the darkness.
Suddenly, his hands held my face as light as a feather, and he kissed me on the mouth, only to pull back. The pain on his face was like the pain I felt inside. I wanted him to continue and never stop.
"Someday, you will be completely mine. Then I will seduce you by all the rules of the art and take you until you can only scream my name." His voice was dark and throaty. It visibly cost him a lot of strength to let me go.
Slowly, he moved away from me and dissolved into thin air until all I could see were his golden eyes.
Desperately, I tried to reach for him, to hold him tight.
“What’s your name, anyway!” I shouted into the darkness.
“Tanael. My name is Tanael Baldur!” I heard his voice whispering in my head. “And now it’s time to wake up, Haye!”
Breathlessly, I awoke at the same moment in my bed. Outside, dusk was already setting in. Hastily, I straightened up and looked around the room. Disappointed and relieved at the same time, I found that I was alone.
It had only been a dream. Gently, I ran a finger over my lips, which felt hot and a little swollen.
He had kissed me. He had kissed me passionately. A smile played around my mouth, which froze to ice simultaneously.
This feeling of happiness manifesting in me was completely wrong and out of place. I was not allowed to feel like this after kissing another man who was not Alex. Not even if it had only been a dream. Far away from reality.
Did that make it less bad? Probably not.
