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Then, I approached the bag. Initially, my movements were light as a feather, but the more my memories of Mr. Baldur and Tanael entered my thoughts, the harder and more aggressive the set blows became.
Sweat was already running down my back, and my hands hurt. Nevertheless, I could not stop hitting the punching bag. Too great was the rage that seethed in me. It was a dangerous mixture with the longing and passion that sprouted whenever I thought of him. Highly explosive.
However, if I had expected the punches on the punching bag to help me beat him and our intimate moments away, I was wrong. With each hit on the red, swinging bag, I was only drawn further into our encounters, his words, and his touches. Heard him call me Haye and how much he wanted me. Smelled that unmistakable yet unassignable scent that was him. Saw the gold in his eyes melt as soon as he looked at me. Felt his lips hot on mine and his hands in my hair. Tasted his sweet breath on my tongue.
I groaned in frustration. Why couldn't I just push him out of my thoughts? He had hurt me! Why didn't my body decide that it had to protect me from this trauma either and take away my memories?
That would make things easier.
Instead, it tormented me with the overstimulation of all my senses. Drove me downright mad and made sure that I was no longer myself.
An hour later, I gave up, shaking and exhausted. I could barely keep myself on my feet, and my arms hung down powerlessly beside my body. Emotionally, I was already close to crying again.
It could no longer be denied. There would be no quick way out of this emotional merry-go-round. I had to learn to live with the pain until it disappeared on its own. Whenever that was.
Disappointed, I went back to the screen to change and only then realized that everyone was staring at me.
"Why are you all staring at me so strangely?" I asked, irritated, now also registering the silence in the room.
Chris approached me hesitantly.
"Myrina, we are worried about you. Is everything all right? Ever since we went to the Hamptons, you seem even more confused." Carefully, he wrapped me in his arms, but I vigorously peeled myself out of his embrace.
“There’s nothing wrong with me,” I growled at him.
“Rina, we saw how you just punched the punching bag. The fact that it’s still hanging is a miracle. Talk to us!” demanded Alex.
“You stay out of this, Alex!” I yelled at him. His look hurt, not only because of our argument but also because of my feelings for another man. I didn’t want affection, pity, or even understanding from him. I couldn’t bear that.
Startled, my fiancé examined me and then pressed his lips together.
"There's nothing wrong with me," I now tried to say calmly and even managed a smile that probably seemed more like that of a lunatic but was meant to be a conciliatory gesture. Hopefully, they could overlook my emotional outburst.
Chris pushed his brows together.
"I think you should go now and get into bed. A little sleep will do you good. I'll check on you tomorrow afternoon."
Firmly, I stared all bystanders in the eyes. “Whatever you say,” I replied as calmly as possible, grabbed my clothes, and left the training room without changing.
A few steps further on, Aspasia suddenly appeared next to me.
"I don't need a babysitter," I grumbled indignantly. The Amazon had to grin.
"I'm not here as your babysitter but as your friend. Because I have the feeling you could use one."
I smiled gratefully at her because she had a point. I really needed someone to talk to. Even if I couldn’t tell anyone exactly what had happened.
“Do you want to talk about it?” asked Aspasia patiently as we walked through the tunnel.
Sighing, I shook my head but then nodded and finally said no again. It was maddening. I didn't even know what I wanted anymore.
"I know this feeling that, on the one hand, you want to share something with others, and on the other hand, you can't," my friend answered my apparent indecision with a grin.
"Is that how you felt about the legend of Lilith," I took the opportunity and already knew the answer.
With a sad gaze, she looked at me and nodded barely noticeably.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” I said, taking her hand in mine. “I understand. There are just things you have to work out with yourself.”
