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We start down the boardwalk in the direction of my new place. We’ve got to be at least a mile away, but it’s nice out. I don’t even need my jacket. I cross the street and Levi follows alongside me. We’ll have to cross back eventually, but I want to walk on the lakeside. The moon reflects off the water and it’s quiet and peaceful. The water calms my nerves somehow.
“What was wrong with James?” I ask after a minute.
“Besides his idiotic last name?”
I shake my head. “No, really, Levi. What was wrong with him?”
“What do you mean?” he asks.
“He was nice. He was interesting. But you didn’t like him.”
Levi clears his throat. The hand at his side flexes into a fist. “He doesn’t even know you and he kept trying to touch you. It’s—it’s a bad sign. You don’t need a guy like that.”
“A bad sign? Then what kind of guy do I need?” I peek over at him. “The kind who won’t touch me?”
“No. I didn’t say that. But maybe he should know you more than an hour before he tries to snuggle up to you.”
“He wasn’t—”
“He was. The guy’s a jerk.”
“Careful, Levi,” I say, peering out at the water. “You’re starting to sound jealous.”
“I’m not jealous,” he says, but his jaw clenches with each word. “I’m just protective and I don’t like that guy.”
“Ah,protective.” We’re back to this? “You can’t protect me from everything. I’m going to mess up. And the only way I’ll grow is by experiencing those mistakes.”
“I know.” But his hand slips into mine with the words.
I pause, my heart pattering—no, my heart thundering. Levi broke my heart not that long ago. He didn’t mean to. If anything, he was attempting the opposite. But he did. And maybe I’m crazy too because I wouldn’t exchange that experience.
Now I know. I know how it feels to fall in love. And I know how it feels to be crushed—so much that you’re never sure you’ll breathe normally again.
I know. I didn’t read it in a book or see it in a movie. I know, first hand.
I know beautiful elation and horrid despair.
I know. Me, Meredith Porter.
Because of Levi.
My Levi.
His hand is warm and secure in mine. I would choose this hand every time—even knowing what I know. I would choose it—but he has to choose too. I desire him, but he has to desire me back. As Bob said, there are two authors here.
Stopped on the side of the street, I slide my eyes from the water to Levi’s face. “You can’t tell me we can’t be together and then hold my hand. What does that say about you?”
But he doesn’t let go. “I don’t know.”
“I’ve discovered a lot of things about myself in the last few months, Levi. I want to live. I want all of it. The good and the bad. But just because I fell off my bike once, doesn’t mean I won’t ride it again. I don’t regret that fall. It taught me a lot. But I don’t want to repeat it either.”
“That makes sense.”
“I don’t like feeling afraid.”
“I know.” His thumb traces over the back of my hand.
“You make me afraid all the time.”
