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"Probably." He shrugged and grinned as he rolled off the other side of the bed.
Sighing, I followed them to the couch and sank into the chaise. Colby had already settled Lottie on his lap, scooting the coffee table closer so he could eat easily. Or feed Lottie, was the more likely reason for the move.
She caught my gaze, her head tilting to the side as her eyes reflected all the questions she couldn't say out loud.
Was I okay? What secrets was I hiding about my past? Did I deserve her love?
The last question was one my anxiety filled in. I'd been too stressed out and filled with plans of revenge to even think about what must be going through her head. But now I did.
And I hated every second of it. How I'd be forced to walk along the edge with her, afraid that I'd hurt her with something I said.
Fuck, I loved her. I knew rationally that none of these thoughts were true.
But the monsters in my nightmares currently had hold of me, and I was a slave to their desires.
CHAPTER 7
Lottie
Iwatched as a sea of emotions flickered across Andrei's face, and my heart rose into my throat. Hatred. Pain. Regret.
But most of all, a self-loathing that made me sick to my stomach.
Andrei was hurting. Badly.
Whatever had happened to him during his time in Russia still haunted him to this day. Something familiar called to me as I blinked at him.
There was fear. Deep, raw, aching fear.
Fear of the unknown. Fear of being loved. Fear of loving something and them not loving you back. It was there, all reflected back at me through his sad, amber eyes.
Colby said something close to my ear, but I didn't even register the words.
No. Everything within me was focused on Andrei.
Colby grew silent. So did Kaleb. The air was heavy around us, the tension thick. The rising panic within me made it difficult to breathe.
"Kroshka, you're going to destroy me if you keep looking at me like that," Andrei said, his voice low and thick with emotion. He ran a hand through his hair and looked down at the floor. "Idespise myself for putting that sadness in your eyes. Tell me how I can erase it?"
When his gaze finally lifted to mine, his amber depths were watery with tears. Colby dropped his arms from around me and allowed me to move toward Andrei.
"Stop thinking this is your fault, Andrei." I sighed and gathered the thoughts that wanted to spin out of control. "You can't control the actions of others, so stop blaming yourself."
His jaw clenched, and he shook his head. "But it's because of me this happened."
I counted slowly to five, then ten, before I responded. Because the stubborn, pig-headed male did not understand what I was trying to convey to him.
Colby placed a hand on the center of my back, and energy filled me. Just the simple touch was enough to help me gather my wits.
"Andrei, get your head out of your ass before I do it for you." Kaleb stood before the couch and crossed his arms over his chest. "We've said stop, Lottie said stop. It's time to let it go. If you can't even forgive yourself, how do you think anyone else will? You'll hold on to the guilt until you're bitter, and then it'll just keep eating away at your insides until you're nothing but a shell of yourself."
“What he said!” I exclaimed. "The same way you guys keep telling me to trust you to not leave, or believe you are attracted to me. It's like jumping off a cliff into the water. You're scared, yes, but you know it'll be okay because your friends are down in the water having a great time. A blind leap of faith, trusting those you love and that love you in return."
Andrei turned those molten caramel eyes on me, and I found myself sucking in a harsh breath. The raw desire and love reflected within them stole the breath from my lungs. He leaned forward and took my face between his large hands. "We've askedyou to trust us blindly, so we should do the same for you." His accent was thick with emotion before his lips brushed over mine in the lightest of kisses.
My toes curled as he held me to him. I found myself kneeling on the couch just to get closer to him. Colby let me go but kept one hand on my back so I'd know he was there. The simple and chaste kiss made the world around me brighten.
Andrei lifted his head, and his gaze danced over my face. "Thank you for not being angry with me." He ran his thumb over my bottom lip, and I shuddered against him.
