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“That we’ve had a highly inappropriate affair that could be extremely damaging to my business and reputation. He could ruin me, the life I’ve built here. Then, if you stay with me, I will sleep with you, drain your blood, risk your life for my own selfish pleasure, and one day, very likely, I’ll rise and find you dead in my bed. I can’t resist you if you stay, Saber. You have all the power.”
“You’ll tell my dad?”
Ansel shrugged.
He didn’t really care.
“I could always start over,” he said. “Abandon my company, find a new place, start a new identity. I would prefer to stay here, to see through the work I’ve been doing.”
He was offering her a clean break, or she could ruin his and her father’s lives.
“Do you wish you hadn’t met me?”
It was a stupid question, but one she felt compelled to ask.
“It doesn’t matter anymore, does it?”
“It matters to me.”
Ansel reached out, then and put his hand on her wrist, his finger resting softly on her pulse. The touch startled her, and for a moment she felt an icy stab of fear. He was a killer. She knew that in her bones, now.
“I don’t regret meeting you. But I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Maybe you wouldn’t! Maybe we could figure it out!”
She felt pathetic. He was deadly, maybe evil. He had done such terrible things.
He smiled at her, a sad smile, but it faded quickly.
“I’ll give you a few days to decide what you want. European painting intensive or we tell your dad everything and let the consequences play out. Your choice. You’re the one with the power. You have Lia’s contact info. She’s arranging things.”
Saber felt a sob catch in her throat, and she knew she had nothing to lose.
“I love you, Ansel. I know you don’t think I know what love is, but I think I do, and I mean it.”
For a moment, he looked at her, a look of longing and desire so intense, so saturating, that for one shimmering, eternal moment she was sure he was going to take her in his arms, tell her she didn’t have to go, and kiss her. She thought that if she kissed him, she could have him. She would be betraying Lozen, though, and he had said very clearly what he wanted.
He wanted to keep her safe.
“You don’t want to hurt me. I get it. I’ll be ok,” she said. “Let’s protect my dad from this. It would really upset him.”
“I think so.”
“I don’t want that. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore. I’ll go. To Italy, to fucking Japan, the moon, wherever you need to send me so that you can feel free of me, if that’s what you need.”
He breathed a sigh of relief, closing his eyes. He backed into the dark.
“Thank you. I-I don’t think I can stay any longer.”
“Goodbye, Ansel.” She choked, holding back a sob.
“Take care, Saber.”
She felt a flutter of longing coming from inside him, as vivid as a candle burning on a pitch-black night. Then, he turned away from her and disappeared. The feeling of longing became her own, and Saber’s heart shattered.
Epilogue
It was on an airplane four months later that Saber looked out at a blazing, fiery sun, setting over the snow-peaked mountain. The rest of the school year had gone by in a blink, finals and graduation. Saber had walked, only to please her father. She had clapped for Lozen when she gave her speech.
