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“Maybe…” she said into the quiet. “Maybe that woman really was fine.”
Lozen snorted with laughter.
“Come on, Saber,” she said in a bitter tone, “that woman was not fucking fine.”
“Ok, yeah, but maybe it wasn’t as bad as it looked.”
“Sure,” Lozen said. “If that’s what you want to believe, be my guest.”
“I think it’s what I have to believe.”
“Saber, do you know how many native women go missing or get murdered every year?”
Saber was quiet for a moment.
“No,” she said. “Where I grew up there weren’t really any native people that I know of.”
“Right.” Lozen snorted. “Well, hundreds, maybe thousands. The data is unreliable.”
“Ok,” Saber said, not understanding her point, “but that woman wasn’t—”
“No, she was a pretty white lady. Probably rich. My point is that bad things are happening to women all over the place all the time. Some people see other people as objects, and objects are disposable.”
“I know, but here?”
“Whynothere? Because it’s beautiful? Because there are a lot ofrichpeople?”
Saber was quiet again.
“My mom’s aunt was murdered, a long time ago, when she was right out of high school. Then my cousin died. We moved here because it seemed so safe to my mom. All the big houses, the nice people, it has to be safer, right?”
“You don’t feel safe?”
Lozen sighed.
“What does it mean to feel safe? Sometimes I think any woman who feels safe is stupid.”
Saber looked over at her.
“I really like you Lozen,” she said. “You say things other people would never say.”
“Yeah, well, it’s a burden to be the only person who actually gets it.”
Saber rolled toward her and threw an arm over her.
“You’re safe tonight,” Saber said, and Lozen sighed.
They didn’t speak anymore, and drifted into a hazy sleep, dreaming of dark roads, heavy fog, and pale bodies illuminated by harsh bright lights.
10
That Monday at school, Saber crossed the cafeteria at lunch, hoping to sit by herself and finish a reading assignment. She was surprised to see Elise Newell sitting with her girlfriends. Elise had the exact same waxy, pale, unfocused pallor of the woman that Saber and Lozen had found in the road, that Laurel had. She wouldn’t have even noticed, except that Elise looked up at her as she was walking by, and it gave her a feeling of instant recognition. Her hair, usually in its tight, ready-for-anything ponytail, fell lank and messy around her face.
“Sit with us, Saber,” Elise said, but her voice sounded weak and creaky. Her eyes, usually so round and childlike, were sunken, with lavender bruising beneath.
“Uh, ok,” she said, wishing Lozen wasn’t busy with a project over the lunch period.
“Did you have fun Saturday?” Laurel asked. She was looking healthy and well rested. “It was so great that you brought Lozen. She’s so funny but she always, like, refuses to hang out! But you guys left so early! Rex was looking for you!”
