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I forced myself to look at her. Somehow, though, my gaze broke, roaming to the shelf of arts and crafts supplies behind her. “I am,” I said.
“You are very much lying.”
I forced myself to look at her again. I felt like throwing something when I found my gaze roamed again, settling on the door out to the back garden. “I’m not lying.”
“So… it is a crush.”
“Ugh.” I collapsed on the table, shoving the food away, and I raked my fingers through my hair. “I don’tknow.What does a crush feel like?”
“Mm…” She traced shapes on the table, casting her eyes to the sky. “You think about them all the time? You catch yourself daydreaming about them? You want to be close to them, touch them, kiss them?”
“It isn’t that…”
“Is it not?”
I mumbled something even I didn’t know what. My face prickled.
“Um… I’m curious,” she said. “Have you ever really dated anybody? I’ve never heard about you being with anyone.”
“I dunno.”
“Youdon’t know?If you’ve dated?”
“Ugh. I guess I haven’t.” I pushed back from the table, turning to the door, and I sank forwards, resting my elbows on my knees. “I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel right. Leave me alone. I’m waiting for the snapping turtle.”
She moved her chair over next to mine, sitting by me and watching clouds roll by. “What if,” she started, and I shook my head.
“No. Definitely not.”
She ignored me. “What if you like Harper and so you haven’t been interested in anyone else?”
I looked away, hunching tighter in on myself. “It isn’t that either.”
“Then what is it?”
I sighed, and I was quiet for a long time. Eventually, my voice came out in a mumble. “Like I said. It just doesn’t feel right.”
“Why not?”
“Dating is like—it’s for other people.”
“What kind of other people?”
“Um… datey people. I dunno.”
“Who are people you can see dating?”
I kicked at the floor. “Emberlynn and my lousy sister, for one. You and Gwen. Annabel, for sure. Obviously her girlfriend too. Probably the rest of her team, too. Sam and Jenna, and Charlie, and…”
“Is this just everyone but you?”
“Oh.” I frowned. “Oh, wow. I guess it is.”
She reached back and picked up her tea, cradling it in both hands, staring out the glass door for a while before she said, “Okay, let’s say… Annabel. You saidfor sureabout her, so I assume she’s very datey. What makes her different from you?”
“Just… like…” I gestured. “You know. It’s obvious. You know the difference.”
“Red hair?”
