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“It’s not.”
“Why not?”
“Because I… said so.”
Kay made a face, sinking into a seat on the stairs. “Do you… not like her after all?”
“Well.” My heart was suddenly beating about twenty times too fast. I wished it would stop altogether.
Kay studied me carefully. “You… still don’t know?”
With a groan, I dropped onto the step next to her, pulling my knees up into my chest. “You said it’s like you can’t stopthinking about them, right? Wanting to be close to them, and touch them, and kiss them…”
She was quiet. I shot her a look.
“What kind of person has the audacity to not respond to Paisley Macleod?”
“I’m just thinking it probably means something that you remember what I said, basically word-for-word.”
“Oh. Uh.” I felt my face prickle. “No. It doesn’t.”
She tugged at my coat again. “Do you, uh… feel more like the dating type when you have this look on?”
“I don’t have a look.”
Kay blinked fast in bewilderment. “Paisley, you can’t… not have a look.”
“I’m not wearing clothes. You’re imagining it.”
“Not wearing clothes would be an even more, uh… noticeable look.”
I slumped forwards. “Ugh, we’re actually having this conversation. Can you kill me with a garden spade? Maybe douse me in lighter fluid and set me on fire first?”
“Um… no.”
“I guess I could,” I mumbled. “You know. Be more… uh… what was it I said?”
“Datey?”
“Yeah. Like—I could totally be going on a date in these shoes.”
“They are really cute. I’m a little jealous.”
“But, uh…” I shrugged. “It’s not really me, you know? I’m just putting on the look.”
She paused. “Paisley… that’s how looks generally are.”
“No, but you know what I mean, right? You could dress like a coal miner grandpa with a pipe and a faded newspaper, but you’d still be, like, unicorn rainbow baby. It would just be a costume.”
“How iscoal miner grandpa with a pipethe first thing you get to?”
“And this is the same thing. I’m just doing this kind of thing because Harper’s going to keep it top-secret, but it’s notme.Just… something I’m doing.”
“Um…” She chewed her lip. “I think maybe all looks are like that, too. Something you put on, something you actively do. And they do change over time. That’s true of everyone. It doesn’t mean you have one just… naturally associated with who you are.”
I kicked idly at the stairs, just being petulant and not looking at her.
“But just for the sake of argument,” she said, “let’s pretend that you were to become this person you’re dressing up as. Would you be able to date then?”
