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“I would rather not.”
“Too bad.”
She hung her head. “I just… have a… duty. To do this.”
“Aduty?To who? It didn’t even make you happy when you got first place in that contest. Who were you even doing it for?”
“It was… I…” She pinched the bridge of her nose, massaging gently. “I’m not supposed to be talking about this. You don’t need to hear me complaining.”
“Tell me or I scream.”
“It’syou.The whole world will know if I tell you.”
It stung like a barb, but I knew she didn’t mean it. Just lashing out defensively. I squeezed her hand. “Harper. You know I can keep a secret.”
“Yeah. No. Sorry. I just…” She shook her head, and she took a long swig of her drink before she set it down hard, hunching forward. “All you need to know is that I’m doing it for someone. Okay?”
It felt like she’d torn my chest open and ripped my heart out. I found myself left aching and empty, and the numb sensation gave way to a burning feeling in my chest, through my face, out to my ears. “Who?” I said, trying to sound casual. “Some cutie out there thinking of you?”
“No—it’s not that.”
“Are they waiting for you there? Is that what this is?”
“She’s not waiting for meanywhere,she’s dead,” she blurted, and she screwed up her face as the air suddenly felt cold, unfamiliar. I watched her for a second before I softened.
“Oh… I… I’m sorry.”
“Shit, I didn’t mean to say that,” she groaned, rubbing her forehead. “Christ. I wanted this to be nice. You and me and just…”
“Harper…” My throat was so tight I couldn’t breathe right. A hot sensation pressed into my skull. What else had Harper never told me? How little did I actually know her?
She turned away, sucking in a sharp breath. “I’m sorry. I just… I need a minute.”
“Wait,” I said, and—the jerk had the nerve not to listen to Paisley Macleod, of all people, because she slipped into the bathroom and shut the door behind her, closing me into the silence of the living room alone.
Chapter 17
Harper
My hands shook as I assessed the situation, a sick feeling in my mouth. Her name was an echo in my head, bouncing inside my skull, damning me on repeat.
Lindsay.
I’d worked so damn hard not letting myself think it. It must have been a year, easy, since I’d last thought the name. It felt like the walls closed in tighter around me, like the floor pitched, and like I could feel her eyes on me. I gripped the edges of the sink tightly, my hands aching from the tension.
Leave it to Paisley to be the one to finally dredge it up again. To see all the walls I’d built up and politely step over all of them right to the raw, bleeding center of my heart.
The girl knew me a little too well. I was starting to think she saw through me better than Priscilla.
My reflection in the mirror looked back at me through haunted, bloodshot eyes. I was a different person all of a sudden—like I was seeing Lindsay’s face looking at me all over again.
Enough.I wasn’t sure if I’d thought it forcefully or if it had actually slipped out, if I’d started talking to myself in an empty bathroom. It didn’t matter, though. Paisley had left—I’d heard the door unlatch and creak open before swinging shut, and I’d sat with the sick, sinking feeling of loneliness so heavy, so real, it was a palpable weight in my throat.
Enough.I chanted it back to myself, whether it was real or in my head. I couldn’t spend my whole life like this. I was pulling it together. I was being an adult. She’d be disappointed if she saw where I’d ended up.
I pulled away from the mirror and stepped back out into the bungalow, and I found my feet walking me out to the rear deck, sinking into the chair at the end of the thatched roof and watching the waves. The endlessness of the ocean reminded me how small I was. It was relaxing, reassuring, to lose myself in that—to see some scale beyond me and know that all of this I was swimming in was only a drop in the ocean. And it was with my mind in a slightly better place that I managed to pull up my phone, seeing Emberlynn’s text.
checked into your little staycation spot?
