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“You’re doing it for someone else. Doing everything for someone else. And it’s… it’s not Paisley. Even though you love her.”
“I—” I scratched my head, sighing, looking away, mostly to hide the burning sensation in my chest. “Now we’ve decided I’m in love with her, huh?”
“Is that what it is?”
I needed to stop spending time with this woman. “Not quite.”
“Mm… you won’t look right at me, though. So I don’t think that’s far off.”
“Priscilla—do you do this with everyone you know?”
She laughed. “No. I know it annoys most people. You’re more patient than most.”
I closed my eyes, sinking against the table. “Did you try the rhubarb pie? I know you were looking forward to strawberry-rhubarb season.”
She quirked a smile at me. “You have everybody’s pastry tastes filed away like birthdays and anniversaries, don’t you?”
“Mm-hm. So please do update me if your tastes change, I need to adjust the Rolodex.”
She blinked. “The what?”
“I forget how young you are sometimes…”
“I did not try any of the food yet,” she said, sitting up straighter. “But I will. Now… did we dodge the topic for long enough?”
“Eh… I could still go for longer.”
Her face fell, expression turning more serious. “You’re leaving before too much longer. Are you going to just disappear without anybody ever really knowing you?”
I winced. “You’re cutting today, aren’t you?”
She looked down. “Sorry. That came out harsh. I didn’t mean it like that. Just… I just think… it’s just that you deserve better. I know that.”
I kicked at the dirt. “So, who do you think this person I’m living for is? Since you’ve got me all figured out.”
“I don’t know…” She chewed her cheek. “All I know is that when we talk about them, it’s just… you miss them terribly.Somuch.”
I really needed to stop hanging out with her. I massaged my temple. “Well, I’m sure they were lovely, whoever they were.”
She paused. “Wereimplies they’re gone.”
“Ugh, god.”
“So there is someone. Was someone.”
My head felt icy all of a sudden. “Priscilla, I don’t want to talk about this,” I said, my voice bitterly cold, and Priscilla flinched.
“I… all right.” She softened. “I’m sorry. I won’t bring it up anymore.”
Dammit.Thiswas why I needed to leave. I was surrounded by people who saw right through me, who had spent the past years picking at me until they could see through the cracks and see what was underneath, and I didn’t… I didn’t want them to see her.
Lindsay was gone. And if I was keeping it that way, I’d have to keep moving.
A cold resolution settled in my stomach.I have to keep movingechoed in my mind, a chilling refrain that left a bitter, metallic taste in my mouth.
Leaving Bayview probably wasn’t going to be the end. I’d get comfy in New York, and I’d probably meet people there—make friends, get close to people. Maybe even develop feelings for someone. And one day, one of them would start peekingthrough the cracks too, and then I’d have to go. On to the next place. It could only ever make me better, make me stronger.
Susanna Holcomb was a savior, in a way. Inviting me out of this town. I couldn’t afford to stay here a moment longer. I was getting out, and not a moment too soon, and I’d learned my lesson.
