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I walked with Tasha to make sure she got to the subway safe, and it was only twenty minutes later, pushing in throughthe door of my apartment, that I was finally out of things to distract myself with. That it was quiet. Ten o’clock already so it was probably time for bed, but… the silence in my apartment was oppressive.
“Home sweet home,” I called out into the empty room, stripping off my suit jacket, hanging it up in the closet. My shoes came next, then the tie, and then once the shirt was gone, I took off the necklace—a simple pearl string necklace, no adornments except a silver tag on the clasp with a P and an H.
Was it a bit strange to wear a necklace underneath a shirt with a tie? Yeah, probably. But, well… that was what a parting gift did to you.Wear it and remember me,she’d said, through eyes shimmering with tears, and it was the one image I couldn’t get out of my head—the last bit of Bayview I could never erase from my memory.
I didn’t know Paisley anymore. But I still found myself putting the thing on every morning.
Once I was changed into something comfier, the necklace placed in its box on my nightstand, I heated up leftovers and sat by the tiny square window, looking out at the city as I poked my food.
A whole meticulously crafted ritual. But there were chinks in the armor, spots like this where the thoughts bled through, and the city was so… big, so dense, so full of life.
And it was so empty. And so quiet.
Nothing to it. I had the thoughts every time I stopped and looked around. Just another day in New York City. Work was good today. Work would be good tomorrow. I was on the way up.
I finished my food. Took a quick rinse, put on pajamas, kept my back to the mirror as I brushed my teeth, took a half a melatonin tablet, and I fell into bed, staring at the faint outlines of the building opposite mine through the curtain, squares of light from people staying up late. People living.
My phone buzzed. I picked it up as an automatic reflex—if someone wanted work done, I really wanted to be on it right now. My thoughts were wandering more than usual.
It was the exact opposite of what I needed right now, though. An app I hadn’t used in years and that I’d forgotten I still had on my phone, with a message from a screen name it took me a second to place.
Annabel. Of all the people.
Hey, if you can see this. I know you’ve tried to erase us from your life, but I thought you deserved to know.
My stomach turned. I’d gotten a new number, new email, wiped everything I could from my life—just trying to start clean—but I’d forgotten about the messaging app Annabel and I had used back while we were dating.You deserve to know…it felt sickly familiar, the heavy wording.
I couldn’t do this right now—couldn’t do this ever. I was supposed to disappear. But another message came in while I was watching the notification bar.
Paisley’s in the hospital. Hasn’t been well. I know you’re busy in New York, but I think it would do her good for you to see her again.
I strained to breathe, clutching the phone tighter. The room… I think it was spinning, seeming to lurch around me. I tasted something metallic on my tongue. Another buzz, another message.
I think it would do you good, too, but what do I know?
And as if that wasn’t enough, another, one last twist of the knife.
Take care, Harps. We love you and we miss you, tons.
Chapter 22
Paisley
What a week. It shouldn’t have been legal for bad things to happen to me, not when I was such a benevolent, perfect force of good in this world.
I slumped back on the hospital bed when the door opened and Emberlynn came in, carrying a wrapped-up parcel. “Hey,” she said. “You’ve got a bit more color back.”
“What’d you get me?”
“Not even ahello?”
“You’ll get one if you got me something good.”
She handed it over. “Chicken sandwich from Brandy’s. With ranch dressing, extra pickles, and horseradish. Your favorite.”
Thatwasmy favorite. Still, it felt as appetizing as stale bread right now. I took it trying not to look like I was taking a dead mouse a cat was offering me. “It’s been a minute. Almost forgotten about these things.”
“Uh-huh. Loaded up with enough horseradish to kill a horse, because, I insist to you again, itisspicy.”
