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Not when I know he's putting his life at risk to save mine.
The weight of the situation falls on my shoulders and I collapse, hugging him tightly. The fear of losing him sneaks intomy senses. It mingles with the scent of his cologne and the warm feeling of his arms around my body.
“Don't leave me, Ethan, please,” I beg him.
I can't lose him, not him. I'm already without my son and my security. Brandon has taken it upon himself to shake my world to its complete collapse, and I'm left with only him.
If I lose Ethan, I lose everything.
“Kristine, look at me. I need you to listen to me.”
Slowly he makes me raise my head, making his gaze meet mine.
“Kristine… trust me. That I'll do everything in my power to come back to you.”
“It's not about trust,” I whisper, my voice breaking. “It's fear, Ethan. I know everything that could happen with this plan of yours. You're taking too big a risk for me, all because I chose to love the wrong man. All because I should have waited for you.”
Saying the words out loud is like ripping out my heart and praying Ethan accepts. Praying that he realizes I can't take another loss. That I'm not strong enough to carry this load withouthim.
“Sweetheart, you can do this,” he assures me.
“Not without you.” I shake my head, not caring how weak and desperate I might sound or look.
“I want you to understand something. At this point, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
“Then stay,” I ask him, silently imploring him to understand my fear. “Ethan, I can’t lose you. It’s too much danger. What you’re planning to do...”
“I've got it all under control, Kristine. I’ll be back before you know it. I promise.”
God, is it possible to die a million times in a single lifetime?
“No, Ethan. They don't play fair, and I can't let you.” The words lodge in my throat. The tears burn in my eyes. “I'm begging you…don'tdo this.”
This is my worst fear. I finally got the courage to leave my ex-husband after all of the abuse and all of the heartache. I walked away when I discovered his shady business dealings. I filed for divorce and he's still controlling my life. He's still wreaking havoc over the people I love.
Why be courageous if Brandon still wins?
Ethan must understand some of my fear because he pulls me to him. I'm so close that I want to fold into his skin. I want to close my eyes and wake up from this fucking nightmare.
“I need you to listen to me, Kristine.”
I nod slowly and wipe away my tears. At this moment, I feel like a child trying to be comforted, but I know it is in vain. I know my fears are far worse than the bogeyman under the bed.
Ethan is silent for a moment. He seems to think his words through, choosing them carefully, until he finally starts to confess.
“When I lost Emily years ago, I felt like I lost everything.” I nod because I know what he means. He told me about Emily, his former partner, whom he met when he was very young. The woman that broke his heart.
Emily was the love of his life, or at least Ethan thought she was. But she played with his feelings and those of one of his best friends, Damien.
Emily tricked them into believing she had an individual relationship with each of them. When Ethan and Damien found out, they fought hard. It almost ended their friendship, but luckily they discovered the deception.
Ethan caresses my hands gently and stares at my fingers. It takes him a moment, but he finally speaks.
“I never thought I could fall in love again. Truth be told, I never believed in love. Not even before I met Emily, since my parents' disastrous relationship put me off seeking affection from others.”
“I know. I understand, but what does that have to do with anything?” I ask, curious where he’s going with this.
He gives me a small, tired smile. “It has everything to do with you. Because, until I met you, I didn't think I could fall in love. Not really.”
