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“Stop laughing at me,” hissing to him over my shoulder, I lead him out into the garden.
“I’d never laugh at you,” he says, just for my ears. “I simply find it amusing that a person with such abysmal cleaning habits would be upset with having staff.”
Rolling my eyes, I guide him to the small bridge overlooking the koi pond. It is one of my favorite places because it affords you a clear view of the entire garden.
When I was first allowed to come out here, my goal was to find points of weakness. I should have known better. There were none. Hisashi created this fortress for one reason to make sure no one entered or left without him knowing their every move. Lex was the only person I’d seen here and that was just for an emergency. Though my movements are highly monitored, and I’ve not been given access to the entire estate I doubt Kiyoshi has been out here nor does he see his brother outside of work dinners. As for the possibility of this little dove being able to fly away that has proven to be an impossibility.
Once I gave that particular fantasy up, I was able to fully experience and enjoy the beautiful architecture, flowers, and trees he’d place here to honor the beautiful Japanese garden we visited. The sheer time and expense he went to recreate this particular memory makes hope stir in my heart, despite his continued aloofness and doubt. Only time will heal the breach between us.
After allowing the silence to fall between us for a moment I tell him, “Your guardian visited me last night.”
“What?” He draws up so tightly it’s like he’s become a strung bow ready to launch an arrow. He turns from me, distress rippling through every tautly pulled muscle of his body. I can imagine how he’s raging internally.
“Hedidn’t hurt me. Quite the opposite, in fact.” Hastily, I try to reassure him.
He swings back to me, his eyes raking me from head to toe. “How so?” He asks with deadly calm. I’m not fooled one bit. Trepidation ripples through me. I swallow against the welling anxiety.
“Well,” I hedge, watching as his eyes flare with barely held annoyance. “Heapologized for his actions.Hetook accountability but tried to make me understandhisreasoning in trying to protect you.”
“And you believedHim?” He sneers, his face hardening an impossible degree.
He waits for me to nod before he rips into me again. “Did it ever cross your mindHe’sjust getting you to let your guard down sohecan take greater advantage? Not call me whenHeactually kills your silly ass?”
“No.” I shake my head, hearing the hurt in my own voice. “Heonly wants to keep you safe, Hisashi. You should know better from allHe’sdone,” I tell him so sure before, but now I feel a small kernel of distrust taking root.
“You should fucking know better, Taylor.He’sjealous of you, always has been.He’snever liked your influence. How you control me, make me weak, or sohethinks.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “The next timeHetries to contact you, I don’t care what state I’m in. You call my name.”
He skewers me with a hard gaze. “Frankly, I can’t believe you didn’t immediately call me last night. How long wasHewith you, Taylor?”
“N-not long.” I shrug, my face heats calling me for the liar I am, and he doesn’t miss the tell.
His hand whips out snagging my nape. “How. Fucking. Long?” he grits through clenched teeth his chiseled jaw working like he’s grinding glass. The words that follow are just as bloody. “Did you fuckHim?” He shakes me roughly.
“No. Hisashi. No.” I shake my head vigorously, back-and-forth guilt assailing me. Maybe not last night, but never? I can’t say for sure.Heapologized for his hurting me in the past likeHewas the one who fucked me and left me to die in the Tokyo flat.
Misreading my confused guilt, Hisashi grips tightens even more. “Something happened. You have this one chance. I have cameras everywhere, little dove. I will find out and you will be punished, regardless. The severity is all up to you.”
“Hekissed me. He wanted more, but I said, no.” Looking him squarely in the face, I allow no hesitation to enter my voice knowing he will take that as deception. “I’ve never lied to you, Hisashi.” The pleading in my voice makes me cringe.
Stepping back fast, he releases me making me wobble. Reaching out I grab the edge of the bridge for support. His nostrils flare. His gaze is trained on me. His breathing is labored as he decides if he will believe me and what my punishment will be.
“I didn’t want it,” I tell him, soft but firm.
“Heis not me,” he says wrathfully. “I know there are times in the past when you didn’t know and for that you will be forgiven.” He pauses, his gaze saying he judges me anyway for not knowing.
Okayyyy, not my fault motherfucker.
“Did you knowingly share me withHim?” I ask, suddenly understanding something about this dynamic I didn’t before — sometimes they work together.
“Yes,” he says coldly, unapologetically his face cast in a vicious mask. “For a long time I thoughtHewas me. Just another braver, darker soul, without remorse, conscience, or any of the messy feelings that hold normals back. Eventually after therapy and medication I knew better. With lovers before youHewas content to just watch.Hewas a silent observer.Heknew something about you was different.Heknew you made me feel. You were special to me.Hewanted to see why you evoked those emotions in me. When my illness reared with father’s death,Hebecame stronger. Much of what happened during that time is lost to me.” He looks away, then turns back shame etched inevery hollow of his face, his eyes a chasm of pain. “Kiyoshi told me how he found you. I don’t know if I did it or ifHedid.”
“You didn’t.” I reach out to him, but he snatches away.
“You can’t know that. Nor can I.” Shaking his head he rips his hands through his hair. I notice how his fingers tremble slightly before they grip the locks in frustration.
“Then why did you come back to me? Take me from my life. If you know you could do that to me again?” I ask, my heart caving in.
“I’m better now. I have tools, medication. You are my fucking wife, Taylor Takeda. You saw my tattoo. You made a promise of forever.” His mouth forms a hard smile. “And I will never let you go. I’m a selfish motherfucker. You’re mine and you will remain mine until I part this earth. Even then I won’t let you go. I will haunt you until you join me. And should you leave first I will join you soon after. There is no me without you. No you without me. I will allow nothing to come between us. I will not share you. Not withHimor anyone.”
