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Tay-chan sits quietly and more than a little nervous as they proceed with her make-up. Quelling the low simmering rage marked by the abject shame I feel in this not being the norm for her when it should be, I make myself watch at what should be the most mundane of experiences all the while furious at myself andHimthat it is novel to her. All because I couldn’t keep my shit together long enough to be the husband she deserved.
“Oh, don’t be so hard on yourself. She ran,”Heattempts to soothe.
She should have.Turning briefly away, I remind him,We almost killed her.
“Perhaps,”Heconcedes, drifting back intohisdark place.
Focusing back on my pretty wife again I marvel at her beauty and her courage to want to deal with one such as me. “Deal with” was always what I heard. I was always the one who needed to be dealt with — my attitude, lack of emotion, troubling behavior. No one ever tried to understand me until Taylor. No one sawme. She saw past the billion-dollar facade to the man I am. The monster. Hers.
In much the same way she’s allowing me to give her this surprise though I know she’s dying to know.
Even with pretended calm I know she doesn’t feel she lets them do their job. The whole time the curiosity in her eyes tells the story, she never could hide from me.
I can hear her questions without her having to speak.
Hisashi did you arrange this? Why?
I wouldn’t answer even if we were alone. Why? I could say my atonement for not only the present but the past. Still, that wouldn’t be the truth should she suddenly realize it, she’ll have my face. Know truths I’m not ready to speak.
I don’t indulge her curiosity. I just sit in the quiet corner of my Parisian penthouse taking my pleasure watching my beautiful wife be pampered.
Eventually they all leave.
“I will be back shortly,” I say, moving into the suites’ bathroom smiling when I hear her grumbling about mysterious trips.
“There’s no one here,”she says as we take our seats in my private box.
“Hai, it’s just you and I,” I answer, mindful of the echo. Though we are the only patrons, it’s hardly empty. The whole cast and stage crew are here.
“Why?” she whispers looking at me her eyes wide with wonder.
“We missed the last night of the last performance because of your illness. So I asked them to give us a private performance tonight.” Crossing one leg over the other I lounge nonchalantly against the plush cushions just as the house lights are dimmed.
“What?” The way she gasps. It’s so adorable. Looking to the stage then back at me she mouths, “For me?”
“For you, I’d do anything.” Nodding toward the stage, I lace her soft fingers between mine. “Shh, it’s about to start.”
We settle back and the curtain rises to August Wilson’s “The Piano Lesson.”
The luminosity of her gaze says it all as her head snaps to me, then back to the stage. In her gaze is everything I have ever lived for. If for no other reason than to see her look at me like she just did, as if I hung the fucking moon, the sun, and all the stars. I’d do it again. Buy out a theater, kill, maim it doesn’t matter. A glance from her sears through my soul. For she sees me, knows me for the monster that I am as well as the one that lives within and she’s not shying away.
This makes me think how things would have been different if I hadn’t worn the mask the first time. Hid my true nature and frightened her away. Would she still have repudiated me? Ran away? Tried to melt into the landscape of New York?
“We will never know,”Helaments.
No but perhaps this time will be different.
“Let her go and find out,”Hetaunts.
Fuck you.
Coward.
Turning my attention back to the play I squeeze her hand. A small reassurance to myself that for now she’s mine. Right now in this moment she wants to be here. Soon, all that melts away. I become engrossed in Black Americana and what heritage, legacy and the sense of responsibility all current generations feel to the ones that have come before.
“Where are we going?”Tay-chan gasps so prettily when I pinch her nipple making sure to capture it with the chain.
“You know better than to ask,” I tsk, soothing the hardened nub with my finger.
