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Then later when he opens me to him I welcome him, letting him have me with a sigh and pull of encouragement as he pushes in with an exquisite burn making me gasp his name.
I’m lost in him and him in me. The fight is forgotten for the moment. Tools hopefully in place when we encounter this again. I know nothing will be accomplished unless we work hard together to use the tools his therapist has given him. The only problem being I don’t know if he wants it to be me, the one he has to count on. I know I left, and that’s maybe why, yet I feel there is more to his unwillingness to trust me.
As he holds me after as I struggle for words but let them lie on my tongue not wanting to ruin the tentative truce we’ve forged knowing full well I’ll regret my cowardice later.
I don’t knowwhy I insisted on coming with him to the private airfield he and his brother own. From the moment we woke this morning he has been so closed and cut off. Barely looking at me let alone speaking in one-word responses. He’s back to his silent cruel self. I couldn’t help but ask him if he was utilizing the principals his therapist told him to employ.
“Why yes, Taylor. As you see I haven’t fucked you into the bed or used your body in any way to exorcise my trauma, I’venot self-medicated or caused harm or killed a motherfucker so yeah, I think I’m on the right path, wife,” he responded dispassionately taking a sip of his morning matcha, dead eyeing me the entire time.
Rolling my eyes, I said nothing more, leaving him to his fucking misery as I went to get ready, which he also took issue with.
“Anything can happen, Hisashi,” I tell him with a look of exasperation. “My cousin, Krie, lost her parents a few years ago, so I have learned not to take anything for granted.”
I don’t mention his dad but he relents.
Now, I’m sitting here in silence as the car pulls up to the tarmac. I see the Rolls Royce in front of us and I know it’s his brother.
“Is he why you didn’t want me to come?” I ask, nodding to his brother’s car remembering how he pressured me to sign those papers and get out of town. I know he thought I was bad for Hisashi. I’m sure that hasn’t changed in the ten years that’s past. I know he probably blames me for everything and will continue too if anything happened to Hisashi now.
“No. He knows about you. This was my decision,” he says in clipped tones his gaze unflinchingly hard.
Nodding, I press my lips together so I don’t dare ask him why — this is for family and he’s made it clear by this decision that though I am his wife and his family, how far that extends to his real family I don’t know. His brother urged me out of his life saying his mother wanted to have me arrested for goodness’ sake. Was any of that true? I doubt we’ll ever know. Kiyoshi and I haven’t been in the same room for ten years and since I’m not invited on this trip, I doubt we’ll be anytime soon. I can’t dwell on what could be. I’m this man’s literal captive for the time being.
“Take care of yourself while I’m gone.” His gaze sweeps over me seeming to miss nothing of my angst yet not remarking on his. Cool as a panther and as sleek as the serpents that line his body, he withdraws from the car without a backward glance.
He’s midway down the tarmac when I push open the door unthinking. “Hisashi,” I call, running over to him. He catches me to him as I practically leap into his arms. I can feel the pounding of his heart through his suit as he holds me flush against him.
“Please be safe.” I bury my face in his neck, kissing him there, knowing full well public displays of emotion are an absolute, not with his upbringing, especially with his brother looking on in his car.
“Woman,” he growls into my hair. He pulls back for a second, his eyes a storm of emotion. Lips covering mine, he devours me. Inhales each breath before I can even think to take it.
My fingers spear into his locks. His lips on mine telling the story of his heart that his lips don’t dare to speak out loud.
I don’t blame him as I do much the same. Let my lips say what my mouth dare not say. I just kiss him, hoping to fortify him and take some of the pain away.
Chapter
Twenty
Taylor
Cherry blossoms makethe garden so pretty. I can’t complain about anything for the two days that Hisashi has been away, except he’s not called. He hasn’t text me through any app or anything. I assume the situation is really intense there with his mom’s illness. But I’m not sure I even want to talk to him. I’m still smarting from the fact that, though I wasn’t deemed acceptable to go see my mother-in-law, my cousin Krie was allowed to go. I watched feeling like an idiot as she boarded the plane along with Kiyoshi, who I guess she’s seeing now since I don’t have access to anything outside of the limited use of the iPad Hisashi gave me with only access to him and the information he gave about her paying Thad’s debt. Maybe she’s his captive too, and he has no qualms about his mother knowing. Which is very likely since his brother has shown he has proclivities for kidnapping. It’s probably a family trait.
I swan around the garden with plum wine I was able to cajole Aiko to give me. Since I ate and have been eating nonstop since he left she happily complied. I don’t fool myself into thinking she’s not text him for permission.
Getting out the iPad iMessage him
Me: YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE ASS FOR NOT ANSWERING OR RESPONDING TO MY MESSAGES.
I send it off and wait for a response. Nothing. Bastard. I don’t care if he does know his daddy. Motherfucker then. I’ll tell him when I see him how over here, we are not as precise with our words we just let them hurl to match the sentiment we are feeling.
I pull up my notes app. Note: Find Japanese cuss words for my husband.
I kind of regret not learning any in my attempts to keep my dialect perfect for my colleagues and the elite set of people I was always around. They definitely were not using any slang.
The wind is nice today and the fragrance of the flowers is delicate and warm. Not overpowering. Pinks and greens remind me of my sorority. The whisp of petals floating around me like a fairytale or rather the precursors of the nightmare that I’ve found myself.
“Heavenly Father please heal my mother-in-law of whatever ails her.” Giving the brief prayer, I feel a little better knowing I did my part in her healing. I don’t worry myself of the fact she didn’t like me or want me with her son. No mother would want what she perceived as a gold digger in her son’s life especially one who had mental challenges. I don’t blame her. The way things went down. She had no way of knowing that I wasn’t out to exploit him in some way. I can’t blame her for trying to protect him.
