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“Possibly.”
“You have a rich boyfriend who wants you to move in. You don’t have to do anything right away.”
I groan. “I can’t feel like I’m taking advantage of him, Laura! It’s not like we’re married, although...”
Laura’s mouth drops open, correctly interpreting my silence. “Really? How do you know?”
“When we went to look at this townhouse in Philly—which was gorgeous, by the way—he asked if I’d change my mind about moving in together if we were engaged.”
“Holy crap.”
“I know.”
“This is amazing!” She sits up, practically bouncing, making the phone freeze as it tries to catch up with her movements. “He’s totally going to propose. You’re so lucky, I can already tell that convincing Barry to pop the question is going to be more work than torts.”
“What’s torts?”
“A law thing. Do you think he’s made plans yet? Where is he right now?”
“In the city with his brothers,” I say. I can see the exact moment the gears start working in Laura’s head. He told me he was going to lunch, and didn’t seem weird at all, although to be fair, I was distracted with interview prep. “But I’m sure he’s not...”
“Why not?” she says. “Want me to go see if I can spy on him?”
I shake my head. “Please no.”
“You’re going to say yes, right?”
I don’t answer. I do know the answer; I want to marry him—eventually—and if he asks, there’s no way I’m saying no. But it feels difficult to imagine being engaged. Having a fancy ring on my finger. Promising to have a future with someone, even if that someone is the man I love.
“Bex?”
I bite my lip. “I’ll say yes.”
She breathes out a sigh of relief. “I was worried for a moment there. I’m going to be the maid of honor, right? Or will that be Izzy? I totally understand if it has to be her, but then I definitely want to be a bridesmaid.”
“Even if we get engaged, I don’t think we’ll be getting married anytime soon,” I say, trying not to think too hard about what it would be like to actually plan my wedding. When James and I spoke about it on the way home from Philadelphia, he assured me that we’re on the same page about having a long engagement. “We’re not ready for that, this would be more about... assurance. Being on the same page about our future.”
“I’ll bet he’s buying the rock right now.” Laura raises an eyebrow. “Which means you’ll be living in that gorgeous townhouse and considering your future career options without feeling so stressed out, right?”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“I think you’re the one making it too difficult.”
I flop against the bed and drag my hand over my face. I’m still wearing my interview makeup, which I’m sure is smearing. As soon as I get off the phone with Laura, I’m hopping into the shower to try to wash away the nervous sweat and stink of absolute failure. Somehow, the fact it was a Zoom interview made things worse. “I don’t know, Laura.”
“There’s no shame in being with someone who wants to take care of you. In fact, that’s what most people want. If you truly love James and want this future with him, I think you need to give yourself permission for it to start now.”
When I don’t say anything, Laura makes a worried sound. “I thought that was pretty awesome advice, if you ask me. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Bex, come on. I know you.”
I blink. Now I’m going to cry, and in addition to smeared makeup, I’ll have mascara stains on my cheeks. Just great. I shake my head, suddenly unable to speak through the knot in my throat.
Laura is quiet for a moment, letting me breathe, but eventually she tries again. “Let’s talk about this. You’re going to be engaged soon! You should be excited.”
“I am excited,” I say thickly. “It’s just... I’m scared, too.”
