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***
I bring Sebastian into the diner for a slice of pie and cup of coffee. He carefully wipes his boots on the mat at the front door, looking around the diner as he does.
“It’s pretty in here.”
“Thanks.” I smile at him. “There are some hooks over there, you can hang up your coat. Want some coffee?”
“Only if you have a cup with me.”
I look back at the empty diner. “I think I can squeeze in a break.”
Sebastian settles in across from me in the booth, cupping his mug in his hand. I just look at him for a moment, nervous to talk to him alone. I’ve spent a lot of time with him over the past couple of months, and I’d say we’re friends—we’ve cooked together a couple times, which has resulted in a lot of laughter and scolding Cooper and James for stealing bites mid-cook—but I’ve never been alone with him. He taps one long finger against the ceramic of the mug.
“James told us what happened,” he says, finally.
I just nod. “How is he doing?”
“Terribly.” Sebastian makes a face as he takes a sip of coffee. “I’ve never seen him go so long without talking to Richard.”
My stomach pinches. “He’s not talking to him?”
“He knows Richard talked to you.” Sebastian sighs. “I love my adoptive dad, but he can be demanding. I know what it’s like, being an outsider when it comes to him, and the family. That’s why I wanted to talk to you.”
I haven’t seen this side of Sebastian before, and it’s interesting. I knew he was adopted, of course; James filled me in on the story, but I never thought about him coming into an already close-knit family and needing to find a way to fit in. I certainly felt it at Christmastime, but I was the girlfriend, an outsider by design.
Even though I feel terrible that James hasn’t been talking to his father, it eases some of the tension in my belly, hearing that Sebastian understands what I’m going through.
“The thing is,” I say, “I don’t disagree with him. James is meant to play football. I don’t want to stand in the way of that.”
“Still,” he says. “He shouldn’t have gone behind his back like that. James is terrified he’s going to lose you because of him.”
“Not because of him.” I bite my lip. “I just don’t know if I could live with myself if he does something like that again, only with an entire career on the line. If he ruined things for himself, because of me,forme... it’s just...”
Sebastian reaches across the table and takes my hand. He squeezes it tightly. I look up at him with surprise. “You think you don’t deserve him.”
I feel myself flush. “Maybe.”
“You know that my father played for the Reds.”
“Yeah.”
“So I had a lot of privilege, growing up. It wasn’t like I came from nothing. But when I first moved in with the Callahans... I felt like I didn’t deserve any of it. My parents had just died, I thought the whole world was over. And suddenly I had this whole new life, with brothers and a little sister and a new set of parents.” He withdraws his hand, settling back into the booth, and huffs out a quiet laugh. “I was angry at everything in the whole fucking world. It didn’t matter to me that my dad had been best friends with Richard. I wanted out. The first week at my new school, Iprovoked an eighth grader into a fight. I was a tiny sixth grader, mind you. He was twice my size. Two punches and I lost whatever element of surprise I went into the brawl with.”
I smile at the thought of a little eleven-year-old Sebastian in his private school uniform, throwing a punch. “What happened?”
“James saw it and jumped in. Cooper was right on his heels. It didn’t matter to them that I was this new kid, taking up their parents’ attention. Their parents told them I was their brother, so they were ready to defend me no matter what. I’d been nothing but shitty to them since the funeral, and they didn’t care. Not then. Not when I needed their help.”
I blink, and a tear streaks down my face. “That sounds like James.”
“Sandra picked us all up after—we got suspended, the three of us, mind you—and I broke down. I hadn’t cried at all at the funeral, and suddenly I was bawling with a paper towel up my nose because it was still bleeding.” He laughs again, shaking his head. “James put his arm around me, and I don’t think he even said anything, but I got what he meant. We were best friends after that. It took me a lot longer to truly get comfortable calling them my brothers, but from that point on, we were inseparable. I didn’t ask James or Coop to help me. They would’ve done in even if two seconds before, I’d told them I hated them.
“James is going to put the people he loves before anything else whether you want him to or not, Bex. I’m not saying there shouldn’t be balance, I guess, but you shouldn’t feel bad about what he did. He did it because he loves you, and I think he’d do it again. Don’t push him away for being who he is. How he’s always been, even if Richard would wish he wasn’t, sometimes.”
“How did you realize you’re worth it?” I blurt. The moment the words leave my mouth, I wish I could take them back. Talkabout pathetic. But it’s been running through my mind ever since the game. James might love me, he might do anything for me, but am I worth it? Am I worth losing a football game? Risking a suspension?
Sebastian looks thoughtful; he doesn’t laugh. “You really think you’re not?”
“I don’t know.” I drop my gaze to the table. My cooling coffee hasn’t been touched since we sat down. “Maybe.”
