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I gulped at my water. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I’d come unhitched from time, my head jumping forward and then jumping back. I saw myself in my garden, planting flowers with Lacey. Myself, four years old, looking up at a stranger. A stranger who’d come to take me away. Then I was old with gray hair and a bad back, and I was back here dancing with Lacey, breathing the perfumed air and feeling young again. Beautiful, yeah. It was beautiful here. Life with her could be beautiful, until it wasn’t. Until she vanished and took all the air from the room.
“Eric? You don’t look good. You sure you’re okay?”
I blinked. I hadn’t noticed her turning around. “I, uh… My head hurts. I’m getting a headache.”
“I’ll find you an aspirin.” Lacey hurried away. I had to bite my tongue to keep from shoutingdon’t go. But she would go one day, and the pain wouldn’t fade. It hadn’t with my parents. It wouldn’t with her. It would only be worse with her, because it would be my fault. I’d only have myself to blame for letting her in.
“Hey, Lacey?”
“Yeah?”
“I think, uh, I’m going to head back to bed. Maybe I’ll sleep it off.”
She came back. “You sure? I can’t find your aspirin, but I think I might have some.”
“No, that’s okay. I just need more sleep. Sorry about, y’know, messing up dinner.”
“I’ll put some in the fridge for you. You can have it for breakfast.”
I couldn’t look at her. She was being too kind. All I wanted to do was pull her into my arms, gather her close to me and never let go. But that was what Ihadto do: let Lacey go. We’d agreed to split up once filming was through. The best thing I could do for us was stick to that agreement. That way, neither one of us would be left behind.
I shuffled back to my bedroom and crawled into bed, and pulled the covers up over me to shut out the world. After a minute, Lacey came in. She pulled the covers back and kissed me. “Feel better, okay?”
I resisted the impulse to pull her down with me. That was the opposite of letting her go. Instead, I kissed her gently, high on her cheek. “You’re sweet,” I said.
I heard her moving around in the other room, clearing up dinner, and then she was gone, and I was alone. I wanted to text her and summon her back, or run over to her room and slip into her bed. But falling for Lacey would be the worst thing I could do. Letting her fall for me would be second-worst.
Who are you kidding? You’ve already fallen.
I buried my face in my pillow and refused to believe it. I’d met Lacey in person less than three months ago. We’d been dating two weeks. Nobody fell that fast outside the movies. This was infatuation, pure and simple. I’d take some space from her, get my head straight, and when production wrapped up, we’d part as friends. It might sting a little, but no hearts would get broken.
I got up after a while and picked at my dinner, then took a long shower and went back to bed. I didn’t sleep any better that night, but I knew I would soon. With a little distance, I’d see our affair clearly: a pleasant dalliance and nothing more.
The next day, I woke charged with a new determination. I focused on set, and on my performance with Lacey, reminding myself at every turn that itwasa performance. We hadn’t been this lovey-dovey even on our date. We’d be good friends, I thought, when our hormones eased off. I made her laugh. She reeled me in with her stories. That was what friends did. What I did with Sam. The rest was just chemistry. The spark of attraction. Once we got past that glow—
“Dial it back,” snapped Berg. “You’re in love with her. You don’t want toeather.” He frowned at his script. “Is that the saying, ‘dial it back?’ What, phone her back? How does that make sense?”
Lacey leaned in and whispered, “Shouldn’t have skipped last night’s dinner.”
“I had breakfast,” I said. “You just look so—” I cut myself off. No one was listening. I didn’t need to lead Lacey on when it was just us two.
“What, tasty? Tempting?” She trailed her fingertips up my arm. “Maybe when we’re through here, we should get some dessert.”
I was spared having to answer by Berg calling action.
“You did well,” he said, when we were through for the day. “I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something today. A tension between you. A sense of… premonition. As though even before the war, Lock saw it coming. As if he knew one day he’d be back on this beach, watching his beloved bleed out in his arms.”
Bile rose in my throat. I thought I might vomit. Filming that scene had been hard enough, but the reminder right now, after last night, sent me hurtling through time and back to my childhood. I saw Mom in her casket. The stranger who took me. I knew now who she’d been — a social worker, but back then she’d just been a rough-skirted stranger who wouldn’t hug me when I cried for my parents.
“You’re one of those, aren’t you? Method actors. You’re doing something to dredge up these layers.” He pointed at me, and then at Lacey. “You, as well. You’re both on a hot streak.”
Lacey took my hand as Berg strode away. She leaned her head on my shoulder, all light and playful.
“I found this dessert place with amazing reviews. It says their black forest cake is like being reborn. Like, you take a bite and it’s so good it kills you, but you have to come back to finish your slice.”
I suppressed a shudder. “I shouldn’t tonight.”
Lacey’s face fell. “You’ve got other plans?”
