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Even finding him sobbing in the bathroom hadn’t diminished the feeling of threat. Nor had his scars put a damper on his good looks. In fact, once she’d gotten to the bedroom to carry out his order, she’d been terrified he was about to punish her for seeing that, for intruding on his moment of whatever pain he’d been working through, and for discovering that once upon a time, he’d been someone’s cowering victim, too.
It was only eight-thirty. Her stomach growled. It had been a long day, and very little food had reached her. Brian’s breath deepened.
In sleep he wasn’t the intimidating presence he was while awake. There was no dark, intense staring to contend with. The angry lines of his face softened. The muscles of his body relaxed and melted into the bedding around him.
He hadn’t bothered turning the light off when he’d emerged from the bathroom. She wondered if he’d intended to fall asleep. Before Mina could stop herself, she reached out to trace the scars along his back.
She’d clearly lost her mind. Who knew what he’d do if he woke to find her doing this? She doubted she’d ever know the story behind them. In the week waiting under the ruse that some party outside the house had bought her, she’d heard a lot of things about Brian—how he liked to hurt women. Girls upstairs said that whoever you displeased in this house, never let it be Brian. It had been impressed upon her that if she were to upset one of the others, the best outcome was to throw herself on their mercy and take whatever punishment they would mete out. Because if they outsourced it to Brian—it would be worse.
She’d heard he only fucked women from behind, he rarely took his shirt off to do it, and sometimes he blindfolded them. At the time it had been random boogeyman trivia. It was the kind of thing campers told around campfires—ghost stories meant to scare the shit out of you right before bed.
Now those tidbits came together and meant something. He didn’t want them to see. Yet he’d already allowed Mina that close. He’d been vulnerable with her. She wanted it to mean something. She wanted it to confirm that somehow he could keep his promises—that at the very least he wanted to.
She kissed his back, careful not to wake him. She needed to know what it felt like to press her lips against his skin without coercion or fear. She wanted to experiment to see if she could handle it.
As she peppered kisses down his back, the reality proved more frightening than she’d expected. Because what she felt when she kissed him wasn’t revulsion or disgust. Brian might be the one person who could understand her pain. Even if he got sick pleasure in meting it out to others, he could understand her in a way far more intimate than Lindsay.
She didn’t know why she’d wanted Lindsay to begin with. The doctor would nod and say, “mmhmmm”. He’d make notes and pretend he understood. But all he understood were clinical labels and pet psychological theories. He didn’tget it.He knew how to file and label and categorize, but it was as if he were missing a major sense and merely faking what it must be like as he scribbled on the yellow legal pad.
Brian had known the moment their eyes met that first night. He’d known something more than the doctor would ever be privy to. And though she was afraid, she agreed with him. The doctor could never be allowed inside whatever this was. No matter how scary it was, how scary Brian was, there was the kernel of something inside him that felt like home and understanding. Like he’d lived on that street.
Brian slept on, oblivious. He slept deeply enough that if she wanted to, she could kill him. There was no one else in the house who had the potential to be as dangerous to her as Brian.
There had to be a key somewhere in his room or clothing that would let her inside one of the dungeons. Those cells had weapons. But even as she thought it, a coldness rushed over her, as if the house itself read her thoughts and disapproved of them.
Wasn’t this why she kept getting into such dangerous situations with men who hurt her? Because she ignored her instincts when they told her to run, because she stupidly kept walking into these situations hoping thatthis onewouldn’t hurt her?
Couldn’t she this one time do something smart and eliminate the threat before the threat eliminated her? But watching him sleep, his softened expression, the scars, she couldn’t bring herself to end his life. Maybe he’d be like Jason. Maybe he’d be worse. And it didn’t matter.
She was already forming that weird captive/captor alliance. If she couldn’t slit his throat right now, she’d never be able to do it, no matter what he did. The clocked ticked loudly as the seconds lurched on.
Brian rolled over, his arm moving around her, pulling her closer. It was the final nail in the coffin of her unending foolishness. There was no one in the world anymore to blame but herself.
He whimpered in his sleep, and a tear rolled down his face. God, what had happened to him? She brushed the tear away and struggled to roll back over until they were cuddled together, his body wrapped around hers. It should have felt claustrophobic and stifling, but it didn’t. He held onto her like she were life itself. After a few moments the awful sounds subsided, his breathing evened out again, and whatever had been chasing him in his dreams went away.
Mina’s stomach growled again. She had to get upstairs before the kitchen closed. She eased out from under his arm until his grip loosened, then she got out of the bed and quietly dressed. She didn’t bother with shoes. Despite all the stone work and the hard floors, the estate was kept well-heated, especially upstairs.
She held her breath as she opened the door, waiting for the creak to work itself out. She glanced back at him, but he slept on. She left before she lost her nerve again.
On the main floor, the atmosphere was very different. People milled about. Debauchery was at its peak. Girls who weren’t otherwise occupied were making last minute runs on the cafeteria. It felt like a college dorm—so different from the cave downstairs that Brian lived in where no light seemed to ever touch him.
Lindsay stopped her in the entryway, concern in his eyes.Nowhe was concerned. After he’d brought her into this. After he’d threatened her with Brian. After he’d made good on that threat in the most final way possible.
“Are you all right? Has he hurt you?” He gripped her shoulders, searching her face, looking for outward signs of violence.
“Why do you care? You sold me to him.” Even the idea galled her beyond all reason. Yes, she’d agreed to it, but that was when she still lived in a fantasy land and hadn’t processed what she was signing on for.
Mina wasn’t prepared to let this go. She doubted she’d ever forgive Lindsay for putting her in harm’s way after she’d trusted him. Even if he was right. Even if Brian never laid a hand on her in anger, Lindsay hadn’t known beyond all doubt that she’d be safe. And he hadn’t had a true Plan B. That was made clear outside the doctor’s room when her master had delivered his threats.
“Come to my office. Let’s talk. Where is he?”
“I’m not allowed to talk to you about him or us.” It wasn’t just that she wasn’t allowed to, she didn’t want to. She both wanted to mentally torment the doctor for his poor decision-making and his greed, and she wanted to protect Brian. She shook that latter thought out quickly. That couldn’t be right. Why? Why would she want that? No matter what had been done to him, he’d more than made up for it with viciousness of his own. So what the hell could he ever need protecting from? And did he even deserve it?
“I promise that whatever you say will remain between us. I won’t say anything to him. No matter what he’s told you or made you believe, he can’t watch you every second. He can’t know everything you do when he’s not with you.”
Who cared whether he could or not? And maybe he could. If there was a tracking device in her collar, couldn’t there just as easily be a recording device? Brian wasn’t stupid. He’d even seemed to know it was safe for him to sleep in her presence. Given whatever past he’d survived, he wouldn’t have gone to sleep next to her if he hadn’t been sure she wouldn’t do anything.
Mina brushed past the doctor. “I said no. I have to get to the cafeteria before it closes.”
