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I stare across the room at nothing.
I am in love with him.
I’ve always been in love with him.
No man could ever compare.
Not to my Thomas.
Tears well in my eyes as she pulls me into a hug. “I’m so fucked, Pay.”
I sob in her arms.
“Shhh. No, you’re not, LuLu. But you have to find out where he’s at. You can’t do the friends-with-benefits thing forever. I know you. You want more. And you deserve more. You deserve the best, babe. I don’t want to see you get even more hurt.”
“It was just supposed to be sex,” I muffle into her shoulder. “A bit of fun. Let off some steam. We both know it’s wrong, but we can’t stay away from one another… Then I think about what our parents would say, and I start to doubt myself all over again. They’d never accept it.”
“Yes, they would,” she tells me. “If it’s what you really wanted. Your Mom would understand. I know she would. It would be a shock at first, but they’d have to deal. If not, then you’d have to be prepared for the consequences.”
“That’s just it!” I wail. “I’m not. I can’t lose my Mom, too. I’ve already lost my Father in so many ways. I never had him to begin with, but there was always hope. Now he’s just shattered me into a zillion pieces, and I can’t go back. Not even for two million fucking dollars.”
“You don’t have to do that,” she soothes. “Your Dad can go fuck himself. He can’t just expect you to be the little wife to that piece of shit and be just like your Mom. Looking the other way while he does whatever the fuck he chooses. You could never live like that, LuLu.”
“I know.” I sniff. “I should know all of this. I just honestly thought that when Dad called me to his house that we’d have dinner and he’d ask me about my trip and…I don’t know… for once be interested in me. Yet he tries to trade me like Nasdaq on the stock market, like I’m some commodity he can just play with and use whenever it suits him.”
“He’s a dick.”
I pull back, wiping my eyes. “Yes, he is. And I never want to see him again.”
“Luna,” she says as I meet her gaze. “You know if you agree to this, your Father will have a hold over you forever.”
“I’m not doing it!” I fire back. “Do you think I’m insane?”
“No. But I know other men have disappointed you a lot, and I don’t want you thinking that all men are this way. That they can just throw absurd amounts of money at you to force you to do something. It’s a lot of money.”
“I don’t care about that. I never have.”
She nods. “I just want you to be happy.”
“So do I,” I whisper….
I wipe a stray tear, and when I glance up, Tag is staring down at me.
“What happened?”
I shake my head. “Dad’s an asshole. Nothing new.”
He narrows his eyes.
I know I’m using sex to control my own narrative here. But I need to forget. I need Tag to fuck me stupid and make me believe I am worthy. That I matter. Even if it is just his fuck buddy. Someone he will never settle down with. Someone who will never be seen with me in public. Someone who won’t be the father of my children.
I turn away.
We ride the elevator in silence, and when we finally arrive, he pulls me along with him as we step straight into an expansive foyer.
This place is not the kind of digs you’d expect a biker to have. But it is a space that you’d expect an ex NFL star to have.
It’s huge. And decorated minimally, with a masculine edge. Just like Tag.
