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Luna cradles her in her arms and a lump forms in my throat. I’ve never seen Lisa cry like this before.
We wait for hours.
When the doctor comes out, he gives us an update. The EMTs got there early, and thanks to Lisa’s efforts for giving him CPR, it saved his life. The doc says the heart attack was a warning, and he’s lucky. He’ll need to take it easy over the coming weeks, even months. Which means complete rest.
He informs Lisa that we can go in, but only for a few minutes.
When I see my dad hooked up to machines, I try hard not to gape. Monitors beep, nurses come in and out. It’s unsettling.
Lisa sits in the chair by his side, clutching his hand. She went in before us while I summoned the courage to face him.
“Dad?”
He looks up at me as I move closer. “Son.”
My chest constricts. “Lisa says you were overdoin’ it again?”
He looks so tired. “She says I’m stubborn.”
“I guess it runs in the family.”
He goes to smile but grimaces instead.
I move closer as Luna sits on his other side, afraid to hug him.
“Where is my Luna?”
She folds into his arms and bursts into tears. “I’m so sorry, Terrance. When we heard, we were frantic.”
“I’m gonna be fine,” he assures us, though I’m not convinced.
“Gonna get you the best treatment available,” I tell him.
“You’ve already done enough, Thomas.”
I can't discuss us too much because the doctor advised against stressing him. He doesn’t need any reminders about me and Luna.
“Anything you need, dad. We’ve got it covered.”
He stares at me for a long moment. Luna in his arms and Lisa by his side. A lump forms in my throat. Only when you truly contemplate the absence of a parent, realizing they may never return, does the impact truly resonate.
“Appreciate that.” He closes his eyes, and I think he may have fallen asleep, but then he says. “I’m sorry for everything.”
“It’s alright,” I start. “The doc said we’re not to put unnecessary stress on…”
“I’ve been an ass for a long time,” he says, surprising me. “I blamed you for your injury, Thomas. I was trying to live vicariously through you, because I had an idea in my head what I wanted for your life. Because after your Mom… it was the only thing I could control. Then it fell apart, and I was angry for you that your dream was gone.”
“Dad, I came to terms with it a long time ago. I’ve made peace with it. I’m happy where I am now.”
He nods.
I know he’s saying these things because he’s had a near death experience. I suppose when you believe you're on death's door, a lot of things can come to the forefront of your mind.
All I’ve ever wanted is my father’s approval. I don’t want him to be forced to feel it because he’s being nostalgic.
“It was a shock,” he says. “You and Luna.”
“Dad…”
