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Apparently, I’m not only wrong—about a lot of things—I’m really fucking stupid. I forgot that whoever is in charge doesn’t like me and loves to deliver sucker punch after sucker punch. I don’t know how I’m going to keep it together when Victor wakes up. I really and truly don’t. I just know I need to. I have to walk away with at least a little dignity. Then, somehow, I will erase his presence in my life. It won’t be easy, but I’m going to do it. I won’t be a fool—no matter how much I love him.
victorio
. . .
When my alarm goes off, I reach over to pull Gia to me. I don’t like that she’s not in my arms. We always sleep snuggled together. She’s probably still upset because I left last night. It was stupid of me. I can admit that. I was just mad. I was pissed at myself because I didn’t know she had an allergy. I was even madder that she ate something just to please me, knowing it would hurt her. The two of us need to talk, that much is certain. Still, I shouldn’t have stormed out. All I could think is that I need to handle her with care. I was so upset that all of this happened, especially since I still had to leave the next morning. I needed more time with her. I resented the fuck out of Antonio and everyone for putting me in this position. I don’t talk about my childhood—to anyone—but it wasn’t good. The physical abuse my father doled out daily was secondary to the fact that I had no freedom. I didn’t get to decide what I wanted, where I wanted to be or who I wanted to be around. I did what my father told me to do when he told me to. Let’s just say that the things he ordered were dark and twisted. Needing to be with Angelina and not being able to say I need to be home, threw me for a loop.
Maxwell Korslova saved me years ago when he picked me up out of the hell I had been living in and saw potential. He put methrough school, he helped me become the man I always wanted to be and then, he gave me a job. A job—thanks to the training he made sure I received—that I excelled at. A job that led to me being his daughter’s bodyguard and brought me into a family life that I never knew existed. I owed the DeLuca family and Maxwell Korslova everything.
Those wounds opened up yesterday in my talk with Antonio. Losing Maxwell cut me deeper than anyone would ever know. They didn’t know our special connection. They didn’t know my past except for the one that Maxwell helped me invent. I knew the truth though. Maxwell was the closest thing I’d ever had to a father, and he and Emilia were the only true family I’d ever known. I wanted to explain to Antonio what he witnessed between me and Emilia and why I was close to her—grieving with her. I couldn’t. It wasn’t because I didn’t trust Antonio, I do. I like the bastard, probably even more than I liked his father. No, I didn’t talk to him about it because—even a year later—the wound is still too fresh. That means, I was a mess when I came home last night. I wanted to lose myself in the feel of Angelina’s body and the comfort of her scent wrapping around me.
Getting to her work and finding her not there, threw me. Then, to find out she was sick, things got worse. It was insane to make the leap of her being sick, to losing her. Yet, in the year that Angelina had been in my life she’d never been so sick that she didn’t go to work. I panicked. I couldn’t lose her. Losing Maxwell had gutted me, but if I lost my Kitten, I wouldn’t survive. It would kill me.
When she confessed to me about her allergy and why she didn’t want to tell me, I lost it. I’m supposed to protect her. It’s my job. I should know all her allergies and things that might cause her harm. I was beating myself up in my head. Fuck, for all I knew, she could be allergic to bees, and one could sting her, taking her away from me. I’d been worried about myenemies and the men who might hurt her. These were all things I could control. Yet, it suddenly occurred to me there were things beyond my control and I panicked. It didn’t help to hear that she knew what I was doing could bring her harm and she did it anyway.
Jesus.Why?Why would she do that?
I knew my emotions would boil over and I didn’t want that at all. So, instead of doing want I really craved to do, I had to leave and clear my head. I know it hurt my woman and I hated it. I just didn’t have a choice right then. At least, it didn’t feel like it. I wanted to yell at Antonio that I needed a fucking break. I hadn’t taken one—not in all my years with the DeLuca clan. Why take a vacation when I have no family? Still, I was acutely aware that I had just told him I wanted a couple weeks before taking a new position—a position that anyone in the family would kill for. Calling him and telling him I needed him to find a replacement for Greece would put him in a hard position and may make him rethink making me his Capo.
When he offered me the job, I didn’t much want it. My life was good. Then, I began to think about the roles I played for the family. I enjoyed being Emilia’s bodyguard because I didn’t have anyone at home waiting for me. I rarely got time off and when I did, it was to sleep at Maxwell’s house. There was a chance I’d be assigned like that again. That couldn’t happen with Angelina as my wife. I needed my nights free.
I push my thoughts away and concentrate on my future. I’ll make it up to my girl. I’ll get control of my emotions. Of course, that would be easier to do if she was actually in the bed with me. I frown. I get out of bed, rubbing my face and shoving my hair out of the way. It’s getting too long. I need to get it cut. It can wait until I get back from Greece, though. I walk down the hall and stop when I get to the kitchen and living room area. My Gia is sitting on the couch, her favorite, worn black and whitechecked throw wrapped around her. She seems to be wearing the shirt I had on last night. Something about seeing her in my clothes feels damn good. I give her a smile. “You’re up early, Kitten.”
Something passes on her face that I don’t recognize. It is an emotion of some sort, maybe hurt. Before I can question her about it. She smiles and stands up, the throw still wrapped around her.
“I have a lot I need to get done today. You have breakfast in the oven. I made that sausage and bacon casserole that you like. While you eat breakfast, I’m going to go take a shower.”
The entire time she’s talking, she doesn’t look me in the eye. If anything, she does her best not to look at me at all. It’s clear that she’s upset with me. I knew she would be, but I was hoping I was wrong. I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck as I study her. She starts to walk past me and I reach out and grab her arm. “Gia, wait.”
She does, but I don’t miss the way her body stiffens when I touch her.Fuck.I made a bigger mistake last night than I realized.
“Was there something you need?” she asks.
I resist the urge to growl. I’ve messed up enough. I don’t need to frighten her. “Where’s my good morning kiss, Kitten? I missed you.”
“I have morning breath,” she says, pulling on her arm, silently urging me to let her go. I don’t take the hint.
“So do I. I don’t care.”
“Well, I do,” she insists, again jerking on her damn arm.
I pick her up and start carrying her back to the bedroom. “You’re mad,” I mutter, more to myself than to her.
“What are you doing? Put me down!” she squeals, but I ignore her and walk back to bed I sit down, but I do it with herin my lap and my arms holding her close, refusing to let her get away.
“I’m not mad. I just need a shower and you need to get ready to leave.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you mad at me. I know I was an asshole last night, Gia.”
“Not at all. You’re allowed to go out drinking. You don’t know me any explanations.”
“I didn’t go out drinking,” I mutter.
“Please stop playing me for the fool. I smelled the alcohol on you and the smoke is all over your shirt. I might be naïve, but I am not stupid.”
“Okay, I did go out drinking, but it wasn’t planned. I was upset after our argument so I went to a bar and ordered a few drinks while I tried to sort through the fact that I could have killed you and you just let me.”
She blinks, shock spreading on her face. “Say what?”
