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I wanted to focus on the search for Vincenzo I had our soldiers out looking for him, once they spot him, they are to keep a close eye on him but under no circumstances to approach.
The second he feels like he is being followed he won’t hesitate to eliminate what he perceives to be a threat, and the soldiers are not ready nor able to handle Vincenzo on full rage. I wasn’t entirely sure if I was ready myself but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t going to try.
I had Lorenzo mapping out areas he thinks Vincenzo may go in his current state, Ariana was tending to Dante knowing full well I was not mentally able to do anything, even this search for Vincenzo I find myself constantly mentally checking out not being able to focus no matter how much I wanted to.
My head was scattered all over the place in denial that this really is my life, that this is the hand I was dealt.“Life can throw a million hurdles at you Isabella, but depending on how you handle those hurdles will determine the outcome of your life. The hand you are dealt isn’t necessarily your only fate. Choose your own fate don’t let the hand do it for you.”His voice echoed in my head, an imaginary friend I dreamt up amid all the darkness, but something about the way his voice echoed in my head it kept nagging at me … I know this voice was my ‘imaginary friend’ really imaginary? I couldn’t have imagined up an imaginary friend that felt so real. If he was a real person, who was he? And why me out of all the little girls and all the people going through worse than I was, why did he stick by me? It’s like he saw how badly everything would spiral out of control, or that he knew I wasn’t given any hope from the moment I was born like he wanted to protect me because he knew no one else will.
Like a personal guardian angel until one day poof, he wasn’t there anymore, I chewed on my lip fading further away from the situation at hand. Standing up I start pacing back and forth fiddling with my thumb getting agitated at everything, how did it all come to this! To make it worse if my head wasn’t full enough, I heard my real dad’s voice and I couldn’t see his face, I can’t put a name to the voice, he came and declared for no one to harm his daughter but won’t show his fucking face? Won’t take me in his arms? Won’t offer an explanation? Am I so unworthy of love that my own father won’t come forward? I grabbed the hourglass from Vincenzo’s desk and smashed it on the floor watching as the sand scattered all over the floor a visual representation of my mental state. “Time’s up” I muttered to myself.
“Isabella” Lorenzo slowly approached me, “maybe you should sit this one out?” he whispered cautiously to not tip me off, I let out a sigh and took my arm out of his grasp and stormed out, I wasn’t mad at him I was just mad at the universe and made at myself for allowing myself to make every bad decision, if I stayed put my parents game to get me kidnap would not have worked and id be rid of them, Maria would still be here and who knows maybe Vincenzo and I would have met under better circumstances.
The only decision I’m proud of is my baby boy, who I can’t even face right now. I ran out into the garden sitting under the pergola taking in the fresh air, listening to the sound of the pouring rain hit the roof, trying to re-focus my mind and stop feeling sorry for myself, I knew what I was doing when I did everything I knew what going after Xavier meant, I knew what agreeing to work for him would intel and I knew what torturing and killing would get me. I had no right to victimise myself I may have been dealt a bad hand, but I’d be dammed if I allowed it to send me into a mental spiral that I can’t rescue myself from. Not now, not again, not ever.
“Isabella?” I looked up seeing Garcia call out running in the rain, I couldn’t help but smile a little. His efforts to constantly make sure I’m okay made me feel warm, a foreign feeling. I laughed looking at him as he stood in front of me visibly annoyed at how drenched he is “this was my favourite suit” he whined shaking his head.
“Thank you” I smiled shaking my head as he sat next to me. “What for?” he whispered.
“For making me laugh when I really didn’t want to” I answered.
“It’s my pleasure” he smiled putting his arm over me pulling me into his side.
“I thought you left?” I asked recalling him and his men leaving. I felt his body visibly tense up for a second.
“No, I sent most of my men off, but I thought you could use some emotional support given the circumstances” nodding my head along as he explained briefly.
“So, tell my dragón are you okay?” he asked softly his voice was so sincere anyone who heard his voice could easily pick up how much he genuinely cared, and how protective he is. I smiled sadly leaning my head on his shoulder letting out a drained sigh. How am I? A question I don’t think even I could answer properly, “honestly I don’t know” I shook my head still deep in thought, he nodded his head giving me space to get my thoughts together.
“I just feel like I’ve been through enough traumatic events to last me a thousand lifetimes and every time I look around all I can think is why me? Why is it every bad thing only seems to happen to me, I was the one kidnapped and punished for my mum’s infidelity, I was the one who had to work for the man who tortured me because no one was there to save me I had to save myself, kidnapped again and stabbed multiple time in the leg over a man I didn’t even know. Hunted again by the man who broke me, the one man who I really cared about forgot I existed and faked my death, my twin sister was murdered, and now when the world was smiling at me for a split-second Vincenzo gets kidnapped and drugged and it was because of me. Now he is God knows where and I can’t seem to catch my breath.” I ranted running out of breath, taking in a moment I took a deep breath trying to calm myself down.
“I just want a normal life” my voice cracking under so much pressure I felt the tears weal up in my eyes while my bottom lip kept quivering.
“Can I tell you something?” Garcia whispered softly, nodding my head he pulls me off his shoulder and turns me to face him. Looking into his eyes he smiled, “Normality is a paved road, it’s comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow.” Smiling I shake my head as a tear rolls down my face, I wipe it away letting out a small chuckle “did you just quote Van Goh?” I laughed watching him break character and let out a laugh with me.
“Yes, and I stand by it” I shake my head “should we really trust the man who cut off his ears?” he paused for a second looking at me “you have an answer for everything don’t you?” he rolled his eyes sarcastically.
Laughing I smile shaking my head “how is it only you can make me laugh and smile in a moment where nothing, but absolute chaos is erupting around us?” I shake my head always feeling a special bond with Garcia. “Call it a special touch” he smiled.
“Come on let’s go” he stands up extending his hand out for me to take, I sigh standing on my feet taking his hand. We made a run for it in the rain trying not to get drenched and back to the estate.
x
Feeling much calmer, I went back into the office where Lorenzo and the men were trying to pinpoint a location, I walked inside looking around everyone was scattered I was so busy focusing on the chaos happening in my head that I didn’t see the chaos happening around me. I took in a deep breath. Taking control of the situation before everyone further spirals out of control.
“MEN!” I shout everyone stopped talking shooting their heads towards me, “everyone needs to take in a deep breath, and stop shouting over each other.” I instruct watching calmly as they do as I said taking in a deep breath and waiting for my next order.
“We are never going to find him if we don’t calm down, now Vincenzo has been through a lot in a short amount of time. We need to think like he would, we can assume he went to the various hideouts he has.” I spoke up observing the map they had on the wall, grabbing a marker circling all ten hideouts before continuing. “Or we can assume he circled back to the old estate, something familiar and something he can trust” I circled our old estate on the opposite side of where we are currently. Taking a step back I look at the map feeling all eyes on me while I think everything through in my head.
Then just like that with my clear head it finally came to me the horse ranch, where it all started remembering he told me it was the one place he always went to calm down his safe heaven.
I dropped the marker and turned around “I know where he is” I rushed running out of the room, hearing Lorenzo tell everyone not to follow me, he knew it would be less confrontational if it was just me.
I rushed outside the estate taking my time before I got to the ranch trying to come up with some game plan, and walking in the rain was always therapeutic to me, something about the freezing cold and how the rain fell on me forcing me to feel something is what I needed. Smiling softly “sometimes all we need is not to run inside from the rainstorm, but-”
Flashback
“But to dance, kiss and walk through the rain. Sometimes the rain will make things far more beautiful than before. After all, it takes a little rain to see a rainbow.” Maria smiled as she ran and danced in the rain. Laughing to myself I shook my head “On a scale of one to ten how poetic do you feel right now?” I yelled over the noise of the rain “extremely!” she yelled back, looking over at me she waved me down to join her. Rolling my eyes and shaking my head I couldn’t help the goofy smile that overtook my previous frown, caving in I ran towards her and joined her dancing. “Sometimes all you need to feel better is to dance in the rain!” She yelled as we danced like children.
