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Jude cocked his head to the side, his hair sliding out of his mismatched eyes. The faded red scars seemed to glow.
My chest was rising and falling rapidly, and his attention shifted, momentarily pausing on my gloved hands. I shoved them behind me, the hasty movement earning me a twinge of pain. I barely noticed it.
“You’re not allowed in here,” he scolded. His voice lilted at the end, and a sliver of amusement sparkled in his right eye.
This close to Jude, with my heart thumping and my thoughts scattered, I ignored his words and asked him what I’d wondered from that first day—the morning when they’d taken me.
“Why me?” My voice broke. “Why did you take me instead of my brother?” I shivered against my will, the chill in the air freezing my heated blood.
Jude seemed to consider, his lips turning down in a grimace. Gone was the playfulness, however subtle, replaced with his usual rigidness.
“Why?” I probed when he didn’t reply, sitting up straighter and bringing my face inches from his. He reared back as though I were a venomous snake set to strike.
“Because you’re a fighter,” he gritted out, his jaw clenching. He was uncomfortable around me, though the reason why was not yet clear.
“But I’m agirl,” I said derisively, raising an arched brow. “Women don’t fight. We’re docile creatures, don’t you know?”
I recoiled as Jude let out a riotous laugh. The sound was so out of place with his features. And yet, it had the power to bring a smile to my lips.
“He smiles,” I teased, knowing I was poking the beast. I didn’t care. “And here I thought you would crack if you smiled. Shame.”
Jude caught his breath, eyeing me from beneath thick lashes. “You’d have liked that, wouldn’t you?”
“Immensely,” I answered, unable to keep the smile from widening on my own face. “I’ve never seen someone shattered by a smile before, but I assume it would be a rather interesting spectacle.”
He shook his head and my smile dipped. “As someone whohasseen a person break and shatter to nothing but dust, I can tell you, it is far from interesting.”
The lone survivor of the Mist. What terrors had he seen? What atrocities had he committed to simply survive? I hadn’t asked about his scars, but I suspected he’d received them in the cursed lands.
Shame warmed my cheeks. I wanted to ask more, but he cut me off, a crease forming between his brow. “Would you have rather I taken your brother?”
“No.” It was said without hesitation, without a doubt. “My brother has problems breathing. He wouldn’t have lasted the trek to the capital.”
Jude nodded, his left eye twitching. “I saw that.” He looked at his boots. “He was hyperventilating after that prick”—he glanced at Adam’s motionless body—“pushed him.”
Gods. Liam would be dead if not for Jude selecting me.Trulydead.
Bile crept up my throat, and my eyes prickled with tears I wouldn’t allow to fall. I didn’t want to think about Liam, or how close I’d gotten to losing him.
“I always assumed girls weren’t permitted into the ranks of the Knights,” I said, changing topics. “I’m surprised they allowed it.”
If Jude sensed me deflecting, he mercifully didn’t show it.
“There’s nothing that says youcan’t. Our king just so happens to believe that females are too…delicateto be warriors.”
I made a face, and Jude hastily added, “But obviously he’s misguided and ignorant. Besides, the decision is ultimately mine, and I saw potential.” He tacked on the last part almost shyly.
But that couldn’t be possible. Men like Jude weren’tshy.
Instead, I grinned wide and said, “I’m elated to see you’re not the misogynist pig I pegged you as.”
“I’m not a—” He stopped when he glimpsed the smile on my lips. “Oh. Another joke?”
“See, youdoget sarcasm and humor.”
The corners of his lips fought to jerk upward, like he’d been out of practice and was just now relearning how to show joy. “I only get humor when it’s actually funny.”
“Then why are you trying not to smile?” I pressed, my pulse beginning to race.
