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"Crystal."
My steps are trepidatious as I approach her room, and each one cuts like a thousand deaths in itself.
Walking to her used to feel like coming home, yet in the space of a day I now feel like an intruder in her life, on her peace, straddling the line of my own salvation and demise.
She's alone in her private room when I get there, staring out the window, hands crossed on the blanket on her chest in front of her.
So small.
"Can I come in?"
She doesn’t even turn her head.
"You shouldn’t be here, Kingsley. Someone might see."
"I don't care.” Bitterness sharpens my tongue.
"ButIdo."
For once, I don’t care what she wants. "I won't be long."
She doesn't respond, just lays her head back on the pillow staring out the window, two feet away from me, just within reach. But I shove my hands in my pockets, because if I touched her hand and she pulled away, I don't know how I’d be able to survive that.
"Luna. Why did you send out that response? We hadn’t even had a chance to talk. To clear some things up. I had it under control. I would’ve taken care of it. You didn't.. you shouldn't have…”
"Shouldn’t have what? Told the truth?"
Her voice is ice cold but it slashes searing hot and deep.
"But it'snotthe truth."
"Which part?"
My jaw clenches. "Wearein a relationship, Luna."
"No, Kingsley. No, we're not."
I'd read the words on my paper, but now hearing them from her mouth is like a jagged spear through the chest.
"Yes, we are, Luna. Stop saying that."
"We're not. A relationship is two people wanting to be in it. And I’m telling you that don’t.” The words come out empty, flat. “And that's why you shouldn't be here. Someone might see you and get the wrong idea."
"The wrong idea?! About us? Was I getting the wrong idea every single time you kissed me? Every time you turned in bed at night time and reached for me? The way your breath steadied whenever I took your hand?"
She doesn't answer, the tiniest twitch of her left cheek is the only evidence that she hears me at all.
"And what about the thing about sharing information with Hamilton? Luna! I know you didn't! You couldn't have."
She forces out an exhale and locks her eyes, dead cold, on mine. "You're not listening. I told you,what I said in thatresponse was the truth. I don't have anything else to say to you. You can believe me or not, but it doesn't change what I did."
No.No.
She couldn’t have. Shewouldn’thave.
"Who are you protecting? I know this is the only reason you're doing this." Somehow my hands make their way out of my pockets and I reach for her.
She doesn't pull away, and for a second, a split second, a flash of pain crosses her pupils and then it deteriorates, like smoke in the wind.
