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"I'm gonna fill you and make you lay here while I watch, so not a single fucking drop can fall out of you, you dirty bitch."
"Oh God," I say with the sharp intake of breath as I come.
His words, his dark promise, his cock inside of me, his body rubbing against me, it all comes together to shatter me, just like I knew it would. I cry out as I break apart above him. One of his arms wraps around my waist, holding me tight to him as I arch and grind on him, rubbing on him like a fucking bitch in heat, and not caring one bit.
"Shit," he curses, hand tightening on my throat. "Don't you dare fucking stop."
I couldn't if I wanted to. My head begins to fall forward, my orgasm making me feel dizzy, but his hand is quick to shake me, push up so our eyes clash.
"Look at me as I fill you," he demands.
His eyes bore into mine, his teeth biting into his bottom lip, and a deep, breathy grunt leaving him as he comes inside of me. I tighten around him as sadness fills me. As I remember that this time is the last time. The last time he's inside of me. Last time he fills me. Last time I feel him so close. God, the remembering hurts so fucking badly. His brows furrow, and I know I've let the sadness enter my eyes, let him see that something's wrong. He opens his mouth, and fear fills me at what he may be about to say or ask, but luckily, the most embarrassing thing saves me from his words. My stomach, rumbling so loudly between us that it seems to echo. I'm sure a blush is spreading up my chest and neck right now. I can only hope how flushed I am is hiding it. His mouth turning up into the sexiest of smiles doesn't make things any easier.
"Am I starving you?" he asks.
"As a matter of fact, you are," I tease right back.
"Well, let me fix that." His hand drops from my neck, arm releases my body, and both hands settle at my hips. "But first..."
Then he does something so painful, so calming, so wrong, and so right. He leans forward, brings his lips to mine and breaks my heart anew. He gives my heart hope it should be rejecting, but clings to instead. But nothing, not the way my heart is aching, not my mind screaming at me to back away, prevents me from kissing him right back. My lips move on his just as his do on mine. Gentle at first, then harder, and ending up desperate for more. His tongue slides into my mouth, lashing against mine, dominating mine, making me hot all over again. I have to rip my mouth away from his. Maybe he believes it's for the air I greedily inhale, but it's really because I can feel the tears building, that telltale tingle at the bridge of my nose, letting me know my heart has had enough of pretending. That I've gone too far and now I'm going to pay for it.
"Any requests?" he inquires. "For lunch?"
I shake my head, praying my voice isn't hoarse when I speak. "Anything is fine."
"Okay." One more quick, gentle kiss and he releases my hips.
I climb off him, hating knowing that the ache I feel between my thighs will remind me of him whenever I feel it for days. As if I could ever forget a single thing about him anyway. I get off of the bed, walk over to where my panties and bra are laying on the floor. We dress in relative silence, the TV still murmuring, which I somehow didn't notice the entire time we were fucking. But even though my mouth isn’t moving, my mind is racing. I need to tell him it’s time to go now. I need to thank him for coming, and then tell him to leave. I need to end this heartbreak for myself and this farce for him. I had more of him than I thought I would, after our time at his house when I decided to end this. After spending last night in his arms yet again, when I told him a goodbye he’ll never know I gave. I’ve had more of him than I deserve, and now it needs to end.
I take a quiet deep breath, readying myself to thank him for everything he gave me that I never thought I would actually get. Readying myself to explain to him, without ever being able to tell the whole truth, why this can’t continue. Readying myself for his confusion at my poor excuse for an explanation. I don’t know what the hell I’m going to actually say, but I know now is the time to say it. So I open my mouth, my heart squeezing in my chest from just that act, before I’ve even said a word. But the sound of my phone ringing out fills the room. The coward in me is far too glad for the distraction because I have no idea what I was about to say. Then I groan as another thought hits me.
"Oh God,” I say. “I haven't texted or called Sophie and Lexa since yesterday before you got here. They're probably putting on hazmat suits to come over here right now."
He barks out a laugh. "You know, knowing them, I don't even think that's an exaggeration. I'll text them," he says, picking up my phone from the nightstand, swiping up on the screen. "Tell them your Godsend Doctor Jackson came over and..."
He abruptly cuts off, his face losing all its humor as his eyes move back and forth on the screen.
"What? Is something wrong? Is Shawn okay?" I urgently ask, stepping closer to him.
His eyes rise from the screen to meet mine. There is anger in them, such anger. It burns me just to see it.
"What. The fuck. Is this?"
Wh-" I begin to question, but then he turns the phone to face me.
I find my unsent text to him staring back at me. My words telling him that we could never again do what we just did. My goodbye.
Chapter 13
"Were you going to send this to me?" he asks low.
Any other time, that menacing note in his voice would turn me on. Not now, though. Not when his eyes are burning with rage and his hand is gripping my phone so tightly, I can hear it creaking in his hold. Not when my mind is frantically searching for something to say, an answer to give, and coming up empty.
"Answer me!" he demands.
I flinch, and not even that causes his expression to change in the least. To lessen in its fury. I want to deny it, to say I didn't mean a single word in the text. But what would be the point? To say my text wasn't true right now, only to have to tell him goodbye later anyway. No. I need to end this, before I lose the nerve to. But still, I feel like I have to force the word from my mouth.
"Yes," I all but whisper.
