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It’s now after eight Saturday night, and the house smells divine. I’ve scrubbed every room from top to bottom and done all of his laundry. I even cleaned the fridge. I miss him, but being here in his space helps. I haven’t talked to Ryder today—well, not more than a few text messages—but that’s okay. He’s busy, and I didn’t tell him I was here because I don’t want him to feel guilty that I needed him, needed to be near him and he’s not home.
I know he won’t be mad, but he will be disappointed. I never want to disappoint Ryder again, not as long as I live. I have so much making up to do. Once this is all worked out, and we can be together without sneaking around like kids, I’m going to make it my life’s mission to make up for all the pain I’ve caused him. His family too. I know the Kincaid family well enough to understand that if one of them hurts, they all hurt.
I packed up the roast and placed it in single-serve containers that I bought at the store, so that Ryder can just grab a meal and heat it up. It probably sounds odd, but I’ve enjoyed being here. I’ve enjoyed doing these things for him. He works so hard, and although it’s small, it’s something I’m able to do for him. It’s a start to show him what he means to me, and start chipping away at that “I owe you” list.
Not that I need to do either. He knows that I love him. He also says he’s forgiven me for leaving the way I did, but it’s my heart that needs to do this. In a way it’s healing for me. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel as though I need to do more than explain and say I’m sorry. I guess I’m doing it more for me than I am for Ryder.
There isn’t a single doubt in my mind that he loves me. When I really think about it, I guess it’s to show him with actions that he’s the love of my life and we’re in this together. For two years Ryder fought for us. He never gave up, and now it’s my turn to do that as well.
It’s us against the world.
I’m in his bed watching TV. All the lights are off in the house because I don’t want his family to drive by and see someone here. I’m certain they know he’s out in the storm right now, so yeah, that would be bad. I’m actually shocked none of them have stopped by to check on things. Maybe Ryder has assured them it’s not necessary. Either way, luck is in my favor. I’m not ready to face his family. Sure, I saw the twins, but they left after a quick hello. I need to have my apology ready, and if I’m being honest, I’ve been rehearsing it for weeks. I also need to thank them for being there for Ryder when I couldn’t be.
Ryder is my life.
I need their acceptance. Even more so, I want it. I want to be a part of their world. I got a small taste of it before I left, and I want more. I want to pave my own way in life, and I want to do that here in Willow River with Ryder. My heart races at the thought of forever here in this sleepy little town with the man I love.
A girl can dream.
My belly is full, and I made brownies earlier. I have one on a small plate next to the bed, with a bottle of water. I have yet to eat it. I’m too damn comfortable to move. Ryder’s bed is made of clouds. Then again, maybe it’s just because his scent surrounds me. Either way, I feel myself drifting off to sleep, and I don’t fight it.
Not here, surrounded by him.
I let sleep claim me.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Ryder
I’m fucking exhausted. It’s after two when I pull into my driveway. I hate that I didn’t get to talk to Jordyn today, and that I missed our time together this weekend, but that’s the job of a lineman.
I’m not the only man who missed out on family time to do my job. I don’t bother pulling my truck in the garage. I have all my clothes to take inside tomorrow and wash, on top of the huge mountain of laundry sitting in the bottom of the closet in my bedroom and bathroom. I’ll deal with all of it tomorrow. Right now, I need a shower and sleep.
I’m tempted to text Jordyn so she’ll see it first thing, but I don’t want to risk waking her up. I’m certain she's already asleep.
As soon as I push open the front door, a delicious smell hits me. I smile, thinking that either my mother or one of my sisters-in-law brought over food. It’s weird because it smells like it was made here. Hell, maybe it was. My family has full access to my house at any time. I have the same with theirs.
