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Then his words register.
“W-What? You went to see my parents? When?” My heart rate kicks into an accelerated rate at the thought of Ryder being anywhere near my mother and her hatred.
“Does it really matter?”
“Yes.” I breathe the words, but I’m not sure he heard me, because I can barely hear myself over the rapid beat of my pulse.
“Why does it matter? You left me, remember?” He stalks across the room, peeling back the curtains, and peeking out the window. It’s several long, thunderous heartbeats before he turns to face me again.
“Ryder.” I shake my head. “You don’t understand.”
“Then make me understand, Jordyn.” His voice rises. “Tell me how you told me you loved me and that we would figure out a way for you to chase your dream and stay together. Tell me how you can tell me you didn’t want to leave me, and you felt as though staying was the better choice. Tell me how you told me you didn’t even think that fashion was your dream anymore, and then three fucking days later, you disappear. You jetted off to another fucking country and ghosted me. You. Ghosted. Me.” His chest is heaving as he pulls air into his lungs. His eyes are fire and pain all wrapped up into one. Both slice through my heart like a sharp knife.
“I didn’t have a choice.” My voice is soft, but my anger at my mother boils over. I say it again, only this time I shout it. “I didn’t have a choice!” I jump from the bed, unable to sit still.
The room is eerily silent and we’re caught in each other’s stare. I saw this going so differently in my head. I thought he’d come in, take a seat, and I’d calmly explain how my life got turned upside down. However, the passion that still simmers between us that’s now edged with pain is far too intense to have a simple conversation.
“Tell me why, Jordyn? Why didn’t you have a choice?” His question is calm, his voice gritty, and when I glance down, his hands are fisted at his sides.
“My mother.” I swallow hard.
“What about her?”
“She threatened you and your family. Your brothers.”
His head jerks back as if I’ve slapped him. There’s intensity in his eyes, but he doesn’t defend her like I’d feared from his earlier declaration that he’s been to see my parents. “Explain.” He takes his seat in the chair once again and folds his hands in his lap, giving me his full attention.
“I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye. Hell, I didn’t want to leave at all.” Memories of that day wash over me, but I shake them off. I need to stay present.
“But you did.” I see the confusion through the pain all over his features.
“The day I left, my mother requested my presence at her place. I know we talked very little about my family, and there’s a reason for that. My mother is a control freak, and my father is a workaholic. Neither one of them wanted me. I was a mistake that they had to maintain to keep up appearances.”
“Jordyn,” he says softly. “I’m sure that’s not true.”
I scoff. “Trust me, it’s true. Anyway, my mother requested that I come to see her, and when Margaret Astor requests your presence, you go.” I pause, taking a breath, and start again. “Apparently, she’d had my cousin, Amanda, spying on me. I don’t know how she convinced her to do it, but Amanda was feeding her information. The night after we said ‘I love you’ for the first time, I went back to my apartment and Gianna was out. I had so much hope and love in my heart that I needed to talk to someone. I called Amanda, and we talked for two hours on the phone.”
“I’m listening,” he urges when the pause to gather my emotions carries on too long.
“I told her how much I loved you. I told her I’d never felt this way about anyone. I didn’t leave a single emotion unvoiced during our conversation. I even told her about Paris and fashion. I enjoy it, but it was no longer my dream. It was my mother’s, and I was thinking about changing careers. I no longer wanted the big-city life, jet-setting around the world. Hell, if I’m being honest, I never wanted it. I was forced into it, and it was easier to go along with it to keep my mother happy. That is until I met you.”
“What happened when you met me?” Ryder’s eyes bore into mine as he hangs on my every word.
“You made me see the world differently. It’s not about flashy cars and expensive vacations. It’s about the people you love. It’s about being there for someone when they need you. It’s about love. Unconditional love.” I pause as I think about my next words. I already decided I’m not holding anything back. Swallowing hard, I hold his stare as I say what’s in my heart. “I’ve never felt that kind of love, nothing close to it until I met you. You brought me to meet your family, and it was like coming home. I imagine it’s what seeing or hearing for the first time after years of silence and darkness feels like. I knew instantly, after one long weekend, that the path I was on wasn’t the one I wanted to take. I just didn’t know how to turn around or switch lanes.”
