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It’s a thought I’ve been wrestling with since finding out about the pregnancy. My hands are shaking as I contemplate the possibilities. I have to tell him. He’s the father of my child, and he deserves to know. Maybe he’ll reject me and the child, but I have to take that chance. Maybe he won’t reject us, and will even help a tiny bit. I have to be grateful for whatever I can get.
I stand up from the couch in a rush of adrenaline and run to the counter to grab the rest of the forty dollars. Shoving it in the pocket of my jeans, I leave the trailer and start to walk into town to find a beater phone of some type I can use to call Cameron. It’s a long walk from the trailer park into town and on wobbly legs, it’s even more difficult. But I make it in twenty minutes after stopping to rest a few times.
In one of the convenience stores, I find a small tracfone and spend some of my precious money to buy it. Excitement fills me when the greasy man behind the counter with the oversized gut and stringy hair hands it to me. My fingers nearly rip it open in the store, but then I stop myself. I need to stay calm. I step outside to finish opening it from the box and throw the trash in the metal waste bin on the street before turning the thing on. God, it’s a hot day. Beads of sweat outline my forehead and start to seep down my skin. I’m nervous, and my fingers shake.
The phone turns on with a beep, and I feel a pit in my stomach form at the thought of hearing Cameron’s voice. What if he tells me to get rid of the baby? I’m petrified that it’s what I’m going to hear, and I know why he would push me to that option. After all, why would I bring a child into this world when I have so few resources? It’s like setting the baby on a sure-fire path to failure.
But I have to tell him, no matter what the result is. My grip on the phone tightens, and tears come to my eyes. Can I handle his rejection? Can I handle the fact that I mean nothing to him? Suddenly, my resolve falters, and I let out a stifled sob. I’m not sure I’m ready for it just yet. I still need to think.
I slide the phone into my pocket and tell myself I’ll call him once I get back to the trailer. Before leaving town, I inhale on a shuddering breath, and try think of anything else I might need at the moment so I don’t have to come back for it later. I have ten dollars left, so I could pick up some pre-natal vitamins. Maybe. Vitamins are expensive these days, and maybe I can’t even afford that.
Come to think of it, I could stop by the diner and ask for my old job back. Hooger’s isn’t too far, and slowly, I wend my way through the dusty streets to the run-down diner. When the door opens, I’m met with the familiar sound of the chime, and eyes turn to me. My cheeks redden but I force myself to move forward. Then, I sit at one of the counter stools and try to appear calm. Darlene appears a few seconds later with a notepad already out for my order.
“Hello, sweetie, what can I get y–Oh my God… Jessalyn?” Her eyes scan my body in disbelief and her mouth drops open. “What are you doing here, darling? We heard you was living out there with that handsome Mr. Purcell now.”
My heart contracts with sadness at the mention of Cameron. I guess everyone in town knows what happened to me. Go figure. Word travels fast in our little hamlet. I gulp and try to form the best response I know to give.
“I was.” My voice is small. I look down at my twiddling fingers on the counter to avoid her gaze, afraid she might see right through me.
Darlene holds my gaze with a kind look in her eyes, although I can tell she has a lot of questions.
“I see,” Darlene treads lightly. She decides to take a pass, and I’m grateful. “Well, um, what can I do for you, darling?”
I take a deep breath and shoot her a wavery smile.
“Oh, I’m not here to eat. I was wondering if the manager’s around? Do you know if he’s looking for someone? I guess I was wondering if I might be able to get my old job back. Anything. I’ll wash dishes if I have to from sun up to sun down–all throughout the night–I just… I need a job, Darlene.”
