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I sat on the veranda with Daisy curled around my feet and cried.
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The sun rose over me, though its warmth didn’t soak into my bones like it usually did. My eyes were gritty and full of regret as I hunched over the step and stretched my neck. My body ached in all the wrong places and the only heat that sank into me was from Daisy where she snuggled against my back and didn’t seem to have moved all night.
It was far from the first night I’d slept outside on a hard surface, but it was the only time I’d fallen asleep to sickening grief. Not even Dad’s passing hurt this damn much all at once, and I knew why.
Guilt.
I could have seen what was happening to Jack, but I was so distracted and so fucking selfish that I couldn’t see past my own ego, and Sienna.
Sound resumed; distant cars, wildlife waking with the onset of the new day. I licked dry lips as I contemplated the house,reaching out more than once for the door and pulling back. Hell, I’d been in the house dozens of times without Jack present, made food for us both, but this was different.
Daisy whined softly, looking up at me with liquid eyes. Innocent.
“Guess I’d better man up and feed you, huh?” I scratched her head while she sat quietly at my side. When I finally pushed that door open in a mammoth effort that took every residual grain of determination in me, she trotted inside and headed straight for the kitchen and her water bowl.
“Sorry, girl,” I muttered, shutting the door gently behind me, and avoiding the bedroom.
The place stank of ghosts and regret.
I didn’t have anything in my truck at all, so I did the only thing I had the capacity for right now. I made cheese sandwiches.
Daisy ate hers quickly while I returned to the porch, unable to face the ghosts that resided in Jack’s house without him there to coral them. He had a niece he said he went to a wedding weeks back, but try as I could, her name refused to come to the front of my mind.
Yet another failure on my part for him. Jimmy would have to deal with that on his own.
I loitered as long as I could justify, my hand on the splintering, grayed wood, remembering the way we talked, and when we didn’t.
The memories he lost himself in, unable to claw his way back.
I hope you’re with them all again now, Jack.
I closed my eyes and swiped my jacket sleeve over my face, brushing the dry skin crusted with last night’s salt. I found the hose around the corner attached to the house, washing my face and wetting my hair enough to wake me up. Then I traipsed to the back of the tray, giving a soft whistle.
Daisy jumped up, letting me tie her to the grill at the back.
For the second time in less than twenty-four hours, dust plumes obliterated the view behind me as I drove away, leaving a decent chunk of my heart on the doorstep for Jack’s cohort of ghosts to devour.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Daisy galloped about my feet, apparently pleased with the change in scenery as I climbed out of my truck. The boys all gathered in the yard, and Trav detached from Rachel long enough to thump my back.
“I’m sorry, Kyle. I know you were close. I’ve got a bottle of bourbon with your name on it, if you want.” He nodded inside the house.
I clenched my teeth. “I really wanna take you up on that offer, Trav, and I’m grateful but I wanna get back to my girl.”
He watched me through hooded eyes. “You fix things up between you?”
I nodded, scraping my hair back from my face and scrubbing my skin with my hands until they both hurt. “Yeah. She’s...mostly happy. Still got no fucking idea what I’ll do about Jamie, but I’ll work it out.” I winced, glancing over at Rachel. “Sorry, ma’am.”
She waved me off. “It’s okay, Kyle. It’s one of those days.”
I swallowed back the fresh wave of grief and guilt that assuaged me. “That it is.”
“Come in, wash your face.” She caught my arm gently, but I held firm.
“I’d like to get back to Sienna,” I repeated, like an automaton. “But Daisy needs somewhere to stay.”
