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What if my confession messed up our dynamic? What if Reagan didn’t feel the same way? What if I misunderstood her reaction today? What if I messed up the only decent family I had? It was a huge risk.
I grabbed the pizza and other bags from my car, punched in the code to the house, and entered it with a sigh. I set the bags on the long counter and smiled when I saw Reagan sitting in Travis’ lap, sucking hard on her pacifier and wearing only a pink pair of panties with ice cream cones on them. I was pretty sure she’d had mermaid panties on earlier. I hoped she hadn’t gotten so upset she’d had an accident.
“Hey, Little love, do you feel better after talking with Daddy?” I asked as I sat down on the ottoman in front of her.
She nodded and played with Travis’ fingers. “Daddy wants to tell you something,” she mumbled around her peep-pie.
Travis laughed before pulling her pacifier out of her mouth. “No, Reagan wants to tell you something that I think will make you very happy,” he said as he shot me a look over her head.
I held out my arms to her, and she slowly crawled from Travis’ lap into mine. “What do you want to tell me, baby?” I brushed her hair to the side. She played with my fingers just as she had Travis’ before tucking into my chest. I kissed the top of her head. “You can tell me anything you need to, Little one.”
She took a deep breath and then looked up at me. “I love Daddy, but I love you too. I didn’t tell you because I was scared. I’m very bad and that’s my big secret and I’ve been keeping it a secret because I don’t want you to feel pressured to love me back, but I do love you and I love Daddy and I didn’t want you to feel like if you didn’t love me, you wouldn’t have a family anymore because we will always love you no matter what you choose and Daddy says you already knew this might happen and I am soverysorrrrry!” she sobbed right before she threw up all over her naked chest and me.
Travis shot out of the chair as I tipped her forward. She vomited again, this time partly over Travis and mostly over the floor.
“You’re okay, you’re okay,” I crooned.
“I’m going to get you a towel. Okay, baby? Daddy will be right back,” Travis said before he headed towards the laundry room. I rubbed her back gently as I waited to see if she’d be sick again.
“Sorry,” she mumbled, and I realized I had her face mashed against my forearm. I leaned her back a bit, but not enough to talk to her eye-to-eye.
“I don’t know if you’re apologizing for telling me you love me or because you vomited, but I don’t accept your apology for either,” she tensed in my arms and I rushed to finish, “because I don’t need your apology for either one of those things. I love you too, baby, so much. I have for a long time, and I never told you because I didn’t think you would ever feel the same way about me and I didn’t want to add to your stress. I’m so sorry because if I had communicated like we askyouto, then we could have avoided this whole mess.”
Travis came back into the room and sat in front of her. He gently wiped her mouth and her chest. “Daddy should have communicated better too, baby girl,” he said as he stroked her face. “I’m sorry we let you down and caused you to be this anxious. Uncle Maddox and I were talking tonight, and he admitted he had some big emotions too because he had realized he had feelings for you. He was sharing with me that he hadn’t told us because he was worried it would hurt our dynamic or upset you and he didn’t want to do either. Then we realized maybe that’s what you had been hiding. We decided we were going to talk to you about it tonight, but you beat us to it.”
“I would never be upset with you, Uncle Maddox.”
I pressed a kiss to her back. “I’m glad to hear that, baby. I would never be upset with you either.”
“Is this something you want to pursue with Uncle Maddox?” Travis asked as he studied her face—a face I very much wished I could see.
“I do if he does,” she said, and I smiled.
“He does,” I echoed.
“He does,” Travis repeated with a laugh. “Let’s go get everyone cleaned up and then we can talk some more when your tummy feels better.
“I am sorry I threw up,” she said, and the words pulled at my heart.
“You don’t have to be sorry, baby. That would have happened to anyone as worried as you were. My tummy really hurt too,” I added as I kissed her back one more time. “Are you okay for me to move you?”
“I’m okay,” she answered with a little shiver. Goosebumps covered her skin. “I feel better now, Daddy.”
“You take her up and hop in the shower, I’m going to clean this up, then I’ll join you,” Travis said.
“G-get in the shower with her?” I asked. “Like both of us?”
Travis grinned and then laughed. “I mean, that is typically how couples shower. Together. Naked.”
I kicked out and was extremely satisfied when my boot connected with his knee.
“Ouch!” he yelled as he hopped around and rubbed his leg. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
I stood with a very confused Reagan in my arms. “It was a very serious question, and you laughed. We’re navigating a new relationship and I just wanted to make sure I didn’t cross any lines,” I said.
“That’s not nice, Daddy!” Reagan added once she caught up with what was going on.
“That isnotnice, Daddy!” I repeated, then turned and walked us toward the master bedroom.
