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“NB?”
“It’s a new blend I’m working on.”
“You’re really into this whole make-your-own coffee beans experience, aren’t you?” I opened the bag and took a solid whiff. Holy beans… what was it about the scent of coffee that soothed the soul?
“Wait until you grind them.” He’d stood beside me, shoulder to shoulder, and took the bag from my hand, pouring a few beans into the coffee grinder. A loud whirring noise filled the space as the beans were pulverized, smashed, and turned into a fine grind. After a few seconds, he pulled off the lid and held it under my nose.
I inhaled deeply as I looked into his eyes. “That’s amazing.”
“Right?”
We stood there with the fresh scent of coffee hanging between us. The longer I stayed locked on his gaze, the harder and faster my heart started to pound. He swallowed and gave his lips a quick lick, and just like that, I was back to being a giddy eighteen-year-old, staring up into the eyes of my first love, and he was staring back, his gaze wrapping around my heart and lassoing me closer.
He set the grinder on the counter and then gently cupped my face, tipping his head to the side as he leaned down and hovered over my lips. His thumbs stroked my cheeks, and I closed my eyes to the electrified sensations zooming down off my face and circulating through my body. His breath was sweet and warm and yet there was no contact. Glancing at what I hoped wasn’t disappointment, I brushed open my eyes. His were closed, but his face was tight. Instead, he leaned his forehead against mine, and a surge of disappointment swelled inside my heart.
“What? That’s it?” I asked, the words unable to be blocked. Anger won out.
“Cara, I can’t.” With that, he dropped his hands and backed away.
“No!” I slammed my hand on the counter, letting the sting reverberate through my arm. “You need to stop doing this. You need to stop running away.”
He snapped his gaze to lock onto mine.
“Is it because of the meds in your bathroom?”
The Adam’s Apple bobbed with impressive strength.
“What are you hiding? And why on this good green earth does your sister thinkIbroke up withyou?”
“Because to save face, that’s what I told her.” His head dropped between the arms he braced on the counter. A long, lingering sigh breathed out, deflating him.
“I want answers, Carter. I think I deserve them.”
“Then sit, and I’ll explain.”
Sitting on the stool, my foot bounced long enough that my other leg was losing feeling. As he avoided my gaze and added grounds to each pod, and then filled the reservoir with tap water, he finally pressed the large cup button.
My anger hadn’t abated, despite folding my arms across my chest so tightly to control my breathing. No doubt, if there was a mirror nearby, my nostrils would’ve been flaring. I desperately needed to get my emotions under control.
He said nothing, but his shoulders sagged, and his back rolled outward until finally the first cup was ready. “Are you sure you want to hear this?”
Heat dropped out of my face and despite the warmth of the room, I shuddered.
“You’re not…” I could barely say the word, and I flashed back to the way my father had announced his bump to the front of Heaven’s line. “Oh my.” My heart pounded louder than the words. “You’re not dying, are you?”
Chapter Fourteen
I wasn’t sure if I could handle any kind of tragic news, and neither did my body as my eyes flooded with tears. An anxiety I’d kept at bay for the past five years reared its ugly head.
“Cara.” He reached for my freezing hand, and tenderly stroked it with his warm thumb. “First off, I’m not dying. Not by a long shot.”
The tears broke their hold and streamed down my cheeks with impressive force of relief. “Oh, thank goodness.”
For just a moment, I was terrified how after having reconnected with him, I was going to lose him all over again. Forever this time. It was too much to accept, and yet hearing how he wasn’t dying, still didn’t put me completely at ease. Something else was still up. That tight, contorted expression held more words than the stack of books on his coffee table and floor.
Without reservation, he pulled me into a hug, and I rested the side of my face against his sweater.
“Please tell me what’s going on.” I sniffed as my voice cracked.
