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After reaching for my hand, he kept up with me step for step. “Why do you think you’re failing? All I see is someone who made a huge leap in faith by packing up and moving here, who secured a job—”
“Which I only have for another couple of weeks.”
“Have you talked to Stanley about an extension, or about what happens afterward?”
I hung my head in shame and watched a lady with a dog cross the street ahead of us.
“No.”
“So how is he to know you want to stay? We’re guys, Cara, not mind readers, and we don’t take too well to subtleties. You kind of need to be more direct.”
“I know. But for once, I wanted it to be…” Easy. Something I didn’t have to fight for. But I didn’t dare breathe that into life. Anything worth doing, I knew was worth a full effort, and having it handed to me on a silver platter wasn’t what I wanted either. My dad would likely roll over in his grave if he thought for a millisecond I wanted an easier path. Probably a huge reason why I turned Bea down. I wanted – and needed – to do this on my own, and I knew that. Still…
We strolled further down the street, coming upon an edge of a field with a lone bench overlooking a frozen lake. I took a seat, allowing the coolness to seep through my pants and settle into my bones.
“Here’s the thing.”
Carter’s shoulders slumped, and he fell onto the seat beside me. “You’re breaking up with me?”
“Oh, gosh, no. Why would you think that?”
“Just a feeling I can’t shake.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. “I saw you on the phone, and it wasn’t Amanda you were talking to. You slumped to the ground. The ground is cold, Cara, much colder than this bench, and I know you don’t like the cold. So you were talking to someone else.”
“Yeah, I was, and it circles back to the reason why I think I’m failing at this thing called life.” I searched his face, staring into his eyes ringed in sadness. “But I’m not breaking up with you. That’s not even a thought that’s crossed my mind.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
His shoulders relaxed. “Whew, because I’m not going anywhere.”
“Good.” Knowing that made my heart happy and light.
“So what’s weighing you down?”
I reached for his hand, needing to pull some strength from him. “I was talking with a realtor.” If a spotlight was shining on his face, it couldn’t have gotten any brighter. “Don’t get too excited. My offers were rejected.”
“Offers? As in more than one?”
A car drove by; the noise from the revving engine killing any snowy silence.
“Yeah. One for a loft and one for leasing out the building beside Stanley.”
“Double—” Any and all expressions slid off his face like snow off a roof.
My voice pitched. “Carter?”
In a heartbeat, he went stiff as a board.
“No. No. No. Not here. Carter. Carter.” I yelled as he started twitching.
I didn’t want him to hurt himself by falling off the bench and accidentally smacking his head, or worse, shaking himself toward the edge of the embankment, so as he shook in my arms, I pulled him to the ground. Once there, teary-eyed, I grabbed my phone and called for EMS.
Chapter Eighteen
The doors to the ambulance slammed with a heartbreaking thud with an EMT and my boyfriend on the inside.
“We’ll meet you at the hospital,” another EMT said while walking to the driver’s door.
