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I gasped, and a huge dumping of embarrassment followed.
Bea patted me on the leg. “The doctors said you were having a full-blown panic attack and gave you a sedative and were ready to wheel you into another part of the hospital. Jasper suggested since they were low on beds, and if things were all good with Carter, could they put you together and monitor you that way?”
I glanced up at Carter’s face. He shrugged but there was a hint of a smile tugging on the corners. Wish my smile felt like showing up, all I had was deep-seated embarrassment.
“Not surprising to us, it did the trick and you settled down.” She shifted on her feet. “And you mumbled a lot.”
Heat seared across my cheeks, washing over my forehead and down over my chest. “What did I say?”
“It wasn’t coherent.” Although the look on her face said otherwise.
“Well, thank you for staying and watching over me. I’m so sorry this situation became about me when it shouldn’t have.” I twisted and stared into Carter’s eyes. They were brighter and his colour was good. No tubes were running out of him, no heart rate monitor on either. That had to be a good sign he was going to be okay, right?
The worry caused my heart rate monitor to pick up. “You’re going to be okay, right? By the way, what time is it? How long have you been in here?”
Bea cleared her throat and moved to the other side of the bed, readjusting the curtain as she bumped into it. “It’s just after midnight, and the doctors said he’ll be fine. It was a longer episode than he had previously, so it’s okay you called for an EMT although you won’t always need to – you’ll learn – but he’s okay. Allegedly they’re discharging him in a couple of hours. And assuming you can settle down,” she tossed a quick glance to the monitor, “you’ll be able to leave with him.” The lines across her forehead tightened as she faced her brother. “However, he’s to meet with his neurologist as soon as possible to work on readjusting his meds.”
“I just need to perfect the right blend.” Carter sighed and closed his eyes. “I’m almost there.”
“Until that happens Carter Gabriel Cross.” He winced when she middle-named him. “You need to adjust your medications. No ands, ifs, or buts. You’re too important to me.” Her voice took on the big sisterly one I was used to hearing, and it filled me with a sense of relief. At least some things hadn’t changed. “Deal?”
He cracked an eye and stared at her. There wasn’t a leg to stand on and we all knew it. “Deal.”
“Okay. Good. I’m glad we finally agree on something.” Her gaze flipped between him and me as she smoothed down the front of her wrinkled blouse. “I’m going to go update Jasper, and I’ll be back shortly.” After she kissed Carter on the forehead, she walked back around the bed and patted me on the shoulder. “I’m glad you’re going to be okay too.”
With a firm yank, the curtain closed behind her.
“Sheesh, if I’d known all it would’ve taken for her to show you a little whatever-the-heck-that-was was to have had an episode, I would’ve done that a while back.” He chuckled through his whisper.
“I truly hope you’re kidding because that was…” Flickers of terror seized my insides.
“I am kidding, but I’m glad she showed a tough of her soft side. It doesn’t happen very often.” He stretched and grimaced. “Appreciate it when you see it.”
“You’re okay though?” I held his warm hand, entwining my fingers between his.
“I will be. It always takes a bit to fully recover.” He shuffled back over on the bed, patting the space beside him. “Want to tell me what’s going on? Why the panic attack?”
“The sugar-coated version or the right-between-the-eyes version?”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Hit me hard. I’m in a place where they can patch me together if I fall apart.”
Even though it was meant to be funny, hearing those words, combined with what had to be a lousy nap, sent the tears racing.
“Hey, hey, hey. What’s going on?”
I swallowed, not daring to sit beside him. “I was going to leave. I wanted a sign and the exit one lit up in red.”
“You were going to leave?” I didn’t need to see him to know his jaw hit the floor.
I stared at the floor, following a pattern until it disappeared under a chair. “Not my finest moment, I know. You called it, and I failed. The whole situation brought back too many memories of Dad, and being back in the hospital just reinforced the heartache.” A painful lump nestled into the back of my throat, and I picked at a hangnail, giving it a solid yank, and then watched the blood form a nice-sized drop. “That being said, I couldn’t do it, Carter. I couldn’t leave. You are everything I need, and everything I want.” I faced him, expecting to see disappointment and hurt, instead he was smiling sympathetically. Still holding his hand, I squeezed harder. “Somehow, someway, I’ll find a way to stay in Ridge Heights and make this my home. If you still want me after my confession and knowing how hard I take things.” I inhaled sharply and reached for a tissue to press against my bleeding finger. “I’m not perfect, and I scare easily; way too easily it seems, but you’re all I want, and I will work hard on facing my fears as long as you’re by my side.”
He sat up and cupped my chin, swiping a thumb across my cheek. “Cara Louise Gallagher, I’ve always wanted you, and I’ve needed you more than I’ve ever let on. Your passion for things, me included,” a smugness filled his face, “is one of the many things I love about you. Plus, I know you need me as much as I need you. Once you were laying beside me, you truly did settle right down.”
“Do you know what I said?”
“Yeah. And I love you too.”
Shaking my head, I couldn’t help a weak smile. “I wish I could remember telling you; it’s kind of a big deal.” My heart pounded, and a wicked flurry of butterflies took flight.
