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It should be me. I’m the one Zach was angry at. I’m the one who should be hurt. Not Ben. Never Ben.
Please let him be okay. I will do anything. Just please… please let him be okay.Please bring him back to me.
“I’m so sorry, Immy,” Hope chokes out.
“No! No!” I push Mum aside and dodge Dad’s hands as I slide my legs over the side of the bed.
“Immy, stop,” Mum cries.
The second I put weight on my right leg, I collapse to the floor. Mum is kneeling down on the floor next to me, and Dad is in front of me within a second. “This is all my fault,” I wail, shoving her away. “I should have gone to the police sooner. This is my fault.”
She wraps her arms around me, her body shaking from her silent tears. “It’s not your fault. It’s not.”
I fall limply into her embrace, no longer fighting. Because she’s wrong. This is my fault. I should have ended things better between Zach and I. I should have gone to the police sooner. “I’m the reason he’s gone.”
Mum pulls back to let Dad lift me up in his arms. I wrap my arms around his neck, sobbing into his shoulder. My heart feels like it’s been ripped out. A few hours ago, I felt whole, happy, and loved. I had a future. Now, all of that is a thousand broken pieces lying on the ground, our future now a memory of what could have been. My core, once filled with warmth now feels like cement drying. I feel cold and empty.
I always thought I was stronger than this, that nothing could cripple me. But as my dad lies me back down in the hospital bed, all I feel is removed from this world.
“What did they say?” Dad asks Hope.
Mum replaces Dad and moves to sit on the bed, resting my head against her stomach. “We’ve got you, sweetie. We’ve got you.”
I grip her T-shirt, my tears soaking through the cotton as grief consumes me. It keeps me in its grasp, handcuffing me to waves of despair.
“He can’t be gone. He can’t.”
“Maddox said,” Hope chokes out, sniffling heavily. “He said both Ben and Zach were unresponsive. Zach was found first, and it took them a while to get to Ben. The paramedics had to get them air lifted out and they are on their way here. He… he said Ben didn’t respond to the defibrillator.”
“What happened?” Mum whispers, holding me with all her strength.
“They went over the cliff,” she whispers back. “Zach landed on a nearby cliff platform, but Ben landed over a branch further down.”
“It should have been me,” I cry. “I am just likeher. I ruin everything I touch.”
“Don’t say that. Please, baby girl, don’t say that,” Mum pleads, running her fingers through my hair. “You are nothing like Vicky.Nothinglike her.”
“Immy, this isn’t your fault,” Dad asserts. “None of this is your fault.”
“I want to be alone,” I announce, my voice void of emotion. I can’t bear to hear them say I’m not like her. Zach wasn’t like this before me. Ben wouldn’t be dead if it wasn’t for me. Everything I touch turns rotten.
“Honey, we aren’t leaving you like this,” Mum tells me.
“Please, I just need to be alone,” I plead, my voice raw. “If you love me, you will do this for me.”
“We should go call Ben’s mum,” Dad announces, and I bite my lip to stop the whimper from leaving my mouth.
“I can’t leave you,” Mum tells me. “Please, let us stay. You shouldn’t be alone.”
I can’t. They want to comfort me, to soothe me, but I can’t handle it right now.
“I’ll wait here,” Josh declares.
When I don’t object, she slips off the bed. “We will be back in five minutes. Please, baby, don’t blame yourself for this.”
When I don’t say anything, Dad takes her hand and gently pulls her out of the room. I hear her sob as the door closes behind them.
Josh gets up and climbs into bed next to me. He pulls me against his chest, and the gentleness of the gesture breaks my heart even more. When I go to tell him I can’t handle his kindness right now, he speaks. “Please don’t leave us,” he pleads.
