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Oh, shit. She’d hit a nerve. She backpedaled, nervously. “Bruno, I’m only trying to—”
“There is no mystery to solve. I faced that, a long time ago. It was bad enough the first time. I’m not going back to do it again.”
She twisted her hands in the damp terrycloth, and tried to face it.
“So, looks like you tracked me down and lured me into your honey-trap for nothing,” he said, after a while. “I’m sorry I don’t have any better recompense to offer you for all that effort.”
She bristled. “What do you mean by that?”
He shrugged, without meeting her eyes. “Just wondering if you regret having gone through with it.”
“With what?” she asked, apprehensively.
“Fucking me,” he said. “You know, now that you’ve discovered that the cupboard is bare. Does that kill the buzz?”
Oh, ouch. She got up, and backed away from him. “Is it necessary to make me feel like a whore?”
“You said the word, not me.”
She tried to marshal her arguments, but it kept slipping apart in her head like a wet paper bag. To her own ears, her story now sounded preposterous, ridiculous. A pack of overheated, disconnected lies.
“But what about what Howard said?” she asked. “Why would he mention you and your mother if there wasn’t a connection?”
“I’ve never heard of a guy named Howard Parr,” Bruno said.
“But why would they kill him, right after telling me if he—”
“Because they didn’t,” Bruno said. “By your own account, your father had severe mental health problems. Don’t ask me to rip my life apart based on the ramblings of a suicidal heroin junkie who’s been confined to a locked ward for, what, how many years now?”
“Four. But you don’t understand. I know he was murdered.”
He shook his head. She wanted to scream at him. To slap that sad, sad look on his face. “Face it, Lily,” he said quietly. “Get real.”
“Goddamnit, it is real! I knew him! He was terrified of blood! He would never have cut himself, not in a million years!”
“Depends on how much pain he was in,” Bruno said. “Maybe you can’t even imagine how bad it was. It might have been worth it to him, to face his fear. He saw his opportunity, gritted his teeth, and took it.”
“No, it’s not possible. Not him.” She hid her face. It hurt, so bad, that he didn’t believe her. Even though she’d never really hoped that he would. She still felt so betrayed. Hurt to the depths of her being.
“Nobody knows better than me how much it hurts to swallow this down,” he said. “But sometimes stupid, random, bad things just happen. They have no meaning. There’s no mystery, no explanation. Just shit luck. I’ve accepted mine. I’m not going to redo the work I did.”
Lily kept shaking her head. She couldn’t stop shaking it.
“I’m very sorry about what’s happened to you,” he said. “It’s awful. Terrible. But it’s not connected to my mamma. Or to me.”
“Then how did they find me? They found me because they were watching you. Why would they if there’s no connection?”
“They found you because they found you.” His voice was harsher now. “You slipped up. It’s that shit luck again. You’ve had a stinking big dose of it. I understand your desire for company, but don’t pin your shit luck on me. I’ve already had my share.”
“Then why?” she yelled. “What the hell do they want with me?”
He just gazed at her, looking miserable and uncomfortable.
A horrible realization began to unfold. “Oh, my God.” Her belly clenched. She regretted having eaten so much. “You think I’m a liar?”
He stared into her eyes for a long moment. Trying to read her mind. “No,” he said softly. “I don’t think that. God help me, but I don’t.”
She pressed both arms against her belly. “Well, that’s good, at least. But then how do you justify…” Her voice trailed off, as it slowly, painfully sank in. “Ah. I see. So you think I’m crazy, right?”
